Who Am I to Choose the Boy that Everyone Adores?
by Jessica Doom
Summary: "The notion of what Potter suggested…. It sounded better than it should have. Why did that entice him so much? He was fairly sure he hated him. What was changing?" - Draco just wants to get through Auror training unscathed. He wants to prove himself. And apparently that has attracted some attention from an unexpected source in a way he never knew he desired.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, before I let you read this Drarry inspired by the goddess Ellie Goulding song "This Love (Will Be Your Downfall)", I need to say that this is a gift fic. My best and most loyal reviewer, Alijandra's Editor, had a birthday and she wanted a gift. I do requests, by the way... Anyway, she asked for a semi-specific idea for the plot, and this is what I ended up with! I plan to post one more chapter afterwards (whenever I get to it), and maybe more after that. We will see! Please enjoy and make sure to review!**

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When he had started this, Draco Malfoy had been so sure that this was the path he wanted to be on. Being an Auror was the only thing that would remedy his sins. He could do such good this way.

Over a year into the training, he was swiftly changing his mind. Before leaving that morning, he had counted all of his injuries. Two bruises on his right arm, one marring his faded Dark Mark on his left, a smattering of them on his chest, and a few that were fading upon his legs. There was a cut that ran the length of his forehead along with a nearly critical gash down his back. It hurt to move his shoulders at this point, but they weren't allowed to use healing elements of any kind throughout this process. The most noticeable of his resulting list was the purple ring around his right eye. This was yesterday's battle wound, the result of a strong elbow to the face.

The last two weeks had been all about dealing with actual delinquents. Hands on experience. In the orientation meeting detailing what they were to expect, this had been the word used to describe the wizards they would be disposing of. The actual reality couldn't even come close to that mild word. The men they had dealt with thus far were vicious psychopaths given the permission to do whatever it took to try and escape their scenarios.

Draco's charge the day previous was by far not even the worst. He was a grizzly man with a wild beard, which he could apparently hide straight razors within. The instant he had been faced with the possibly of getting his neck sliced open, Draco had backed off completely. He had let go, took a step back, and held his hands up in surrender. He wasn't willing to die for this job.

"_Get back in there, Malfoy," Hawkes Hawlish snapped at him, observing from his haughty perch across the room. His eagle eyes never missed a thing._

"_The man has a weapon!" Draco had said back, taking another step away in order to put ample distance between them. "They aren't supposed to have weapons!"_

_Sighing angrily, the man pulled himself down from his seat. He hated getting up to scold, but he was still so good at it. He shuffled between all of the other trainees, struggling with their own, smaller problems with their charges. His footsteps halted halfway between the blonde man and the bearded maniac, holding his wand for protection. "Do you think in the real world, out there, that they won't have weapons when you attempt to detain them? Do you think they might have some way of defending themselves? Granted, a few are idiots, but even idiots know how to protect their lives."_

_Draco swallowed hard and shook his head slowly. He was being a little ridiculous, but fear did that to a person. "This isn't the real world. I'm still training with how to deal with this situation."_

"_So deal with it."_

_Hawlish was not a kind man. He wasn't forgiving or lenient in any way, shape, or form. His words were always short and to the point, making not a single apology for what he said at any point in time. So when he told a trainee to deal with something, that wasn't a command to take lightly. One should listen and do as he says, or he might not end up with this job he'd worked so hard to achieve that far._

_This was why Draco stepped back towards the man. His wand was held up, but he wasn't even sure if he could make a move fast enough for it to be of any use. "S-sir…." He cleared his throat, an embarrassed flush coming to his cheeks at the lack of resolve in his voice. "Sir, I will only ask you once to surrender your razor. If you do not comply, I will use brute force in order to remove it from your possession."_

_The man, of course, responded with the kind act of spitting upon the younger man's rather expensive, rather new shoes._

_Draco felt like the entire training room was watching him. He was sure they weren't. They all had better things to do than watch Draco Malfoy fail miserably. Didn't they? His hands shook as he gripped his wand, taking in deep breaths to try and steady his resolve. Why was this such a difficult decision? He'd faced worse threats during the war, hadn't he?_

I blocked out all of those faces. I blocked out every death I may have caused.

_It was as simple as doing just that. Blocking out all of those watching him, even Hawlish standing by so predatorily. His steps to close the distance were sure and dangerous, but that wouldn't faze this man. He didn't have much left to live for, anyway, with his sentence in Azkaban. He stood at the ready as the other advanced upon him, his razor poised just right to be able to do great damage._

_And then there was nothing but a flash of the man's dirty clothing as he lunged. Draco was scared – more scared than he could ever remember being. He could even recall a strangled scream as the elbow hit his eye and he hit the ground._

_Why had it only been an elbow, not the razor?_

_Holding his eye, Draco looked over to his charge now lying at his side. He was completely unconscious and the razor he'd had was now clinging in someone's hand above him._

_Harry Bloody Potter._

"_Y'alright there, Malfoy?" the man asked, his dark hair coming down to shield his vibrant green eyes as he leaned down with an inviting hand._

_When had his hair gotten that long? When had he become so attractive? When had he started to notice or care?_

"_I'm…fine…," Draco whispered, his whole face and neck enveloped in a dark blush. He took the hand offered, but wouldn't meet his eyes. He was thoroughly embarrassed that he couldn't handle his own. That this man had to save him…again. Would he ever stop needing his help? "Thank you."_

_Potter nodded, giving off that annoyingly genuine smile he gave everyone. This was nothing but a normal act for the hero. Saving people was something he did on a daily basis. It was an obligation for him. "Can I have my hand back, then?" he asked softly, making sure no one else heard as he tried to meet those cautiously sealed-off steely eyes._

_If it was even possible, Draco's face reddened even further. He made a soft sputtering noise, looking down at their still-grasped hands. He hadn't even noticed he was still holding onto the other with an unrivaled death-grip. Slowly, he loosened his fingers from around the calloused skin. "Sorry," he said quickly and took a few steps back. He stopped just short of tripping over the unconscious convict and refused to raise his eyes from the floor._

Draco had excused himself from training for the rest of the day, saying he felt ill. He was absolutely sure they would all gossip about him, saying he was a coward and the like, but he didn't care at the moment. He just….needed out. He needed to walk away from Hawlish's taunts and Potter's heroism and his own fear.

Today, however, he wasn't feeling any better. He felt physically ill at the thought of returning. His footsteps were light and unsure as he walked through the ministry to their training rooms. He just didn't want to see the way they all looked at him today….

"Malfoy!"

The instant he walked into the room they always met up in, Draco heard the shout. He cringed, feeling like he needed to protect himself from something. It was perfectly innocent, and yet…. He looked up for the source and found Potter waving him over. He frowned, checking behind him to make sure he was seeing things right. Maybe someone else had said his name. Maybe Potter was waving to the Weasel boy.

But, no. He was alone in the doorway. He cleared his throat, sticking his hands in his peacoat and started to cross the distance between them. It wasn't far, but he felt like he walked eons to just stand in front of this man. And once he was there, it still felt like he was miles away from him. He wasn't worthy of being so close.

Harry Potter was supposed to be an Auror. Everyone assumed that's what he would do after the war. He was practically the epitome of this position before he even left Hogwarts. He was a perfect savior who could do no wrong. That and he was top of the current group of trainees.

He could do no wrong.

So what did he want with Draco? Why would he want to be seen with the lowest of the trainees? The one not confident enough in his career choice to excel?

"Yes, Potter?" he asked, shaking hands clenched firmly in his pockets. He couldn't let off just how nervous he was to be standing this close to him.

Smiling brilliantly, Potter nodded towards a black board in the corner of the room. Written upon it were two names per line with a dash and a location. The first line very plainly read '_Potter/Malfoy – Hogsmeade_'. Frowning, Draco looked back to the other man and clenched his fists even tighter. "Looks like we're working together today, Malfoy."

"Oh," was all Draco could say as he once again averted his eyes to the floor. Since he hadn't stayed yesterday, he had no idea what they were doing today. But it did seem he was going to be alone with this man…. And that terrified him, even though he had no idea why.

Thankfully, he wasn't left wondering for long. Hawlish appeared shortly thereafter, slamming the door shut behind him to command attention. "Listen up!" he practically yelled to the twelve individuals standing with their partners around the room. "As I said yesterday, today we are testing your ability to 'investigate'!" He looked around at everyone, meeting their eyes one-by-one and conveying just how little he expected from most. Draco was satisfied to see that he gave Weasley the same look he himself received.

"Clues have been hidden among your locations to solve a fake crime ranging from simple magic misuse to murder. You will be expected to find and solve your clues as quickly and efficiently as possible. Once you think you have finished and come up with the right answer, you will report straight back here. Do not get side-tracked, your timing will be very important in regards to the training you have left.

"Now get going."

Slowly, as he was starting to feel a bit sick, Draco turned towards the Potter boy. _Man_, he caught himself thinking. _He is…definitely a man. Boys don't hold themselves so proudly. They don't have that handsome confidence he always walks around with._ "Suppose we should head out….," he said under his breath and tried to fold his hands deeper into his pockets. He could feel them shaking and he hated it. Why wouldn't they stop? Why was he so fucking nervous?

"Sure." Potter seemed not to notice. He merely turned away with his calm-as-shit grin and headed back out of the training area. They made their way towards the Ministry's atrium, neither saying a single word. Draco wouldn't have known what to even say if he had found the nerve to open his mouth.

It wasn't long before both men were nodding to one another before disapparating out of the Ministry. They landed side-by-side just inside the Hogsmeade gates, neither looking even a bit fatigued by the process. They were fairly good at it by now.

"Where do you s'pose we should start looking?" Potter asked, ever the ready hero. There was no doubt he would be good at this exercise.

If only Draco weren't there to slow him down. He wasn't always the most observant. Shrugging, he started off down the path, hardly looking up from the light October snow littering the pathway to the village. "Maybe…see if anyone's seen anything suspicious? We probably should find the crime we are supposed to solve first. Right?"

Nodding, Potter followed along _right beside_ the blonde. He was so close he could feel heat coming off through his hideously green coat. "Right." They were still a good five minutes' walk from the village when factoring in the slightly icy pebbles under their feet. Minutes that would have been just fine in silence, but Potter wasn't that type of person, was he? "So…."

With a roll of his eyes, Draco looked up at the other man. He stood out quite well in this dim landscape. Where he himself faded into the falling snow and grey sky due to his deathly pale skin, Potter sort of lightened the area around him. He was like a little beacon with tanned skin and dark hair and green coat. He stopped looking him over the moment he noticed he was doing it and snapped his eyes right onto Potter's. They were this ungodly shade of green that sent a chill down his spine. Or was that the wind that suddenly picked up, tossing Potter's slightly-too-long hair into his face. Giving him this beautiful touseled look….

"What?" he snapped, tearing his eyes away and forcing himself to once again stare at the ground. He didn't like the thoughts suddenly filling his head. He didn't like that these weird feelings were aimed at _Harry Potter_ of all people.

Yes, he was gay. He knew that very plainly after quite a few 'experiments' just to make sure. Much to his parents' dismay, he had absolutely no interest in providing them with a grandchild – an heir. But having those types of feelings for a man like Harry Potter was dangerous territory. Everyone knew of his relationship with the Weasley girl. And even if he had swung the other way, there was no way someone like Draco Malfoy had a chance! He wasn't…worthy enough. So it would be best not to even allow himself to notice the growing attraction.

The abrupt tone didn't even bother the other man. He laughed it off, clearly in a good mood. "I was just going to ask you…why you chose to become an Auror. I mean, we've been training together for…what? A year and three months, give or take a few days? You've never really shown a genuine interest for it."

_Meaning, I'm not very good at it. I should give up…. Everyone knows it._

"So I'm just curious why."

They had reached the village now. It was quiet, being that it was a Wednesday morning. Teachers and students were in class. No one really visited Hogsmeade that didn't live here during the week. Factor in the slightly chilly, barely snowy weather and it didn't make for a popular destination. "Does it really matter?" Draco answered, biting back all of the smart-ass retorts he had lined up. He was trying to get better at communicating with people.

"A little," Potter said. "A person's motivation for their career choice could tell quite a bit about them. I just want to know…if you're still the same person I once knew."

_Was I ever really a person that he knew?_

Kicking a stone across the path, Draco raised his shoulders in a noncommittal gesture. The back of his neck was flushed, but he wouldn't allow the man to see that so was his entire face. He was embarrassed. His reasoning for becoming an Auror was his secret. It was a slightly deep and embarrassing gesture that he knew no one would ever understand. So why should he reveal those inner thoughts to someone so much unlike him? So perfect, like he wasn't?

"Look! That must be our crime!" Potter was pointing to a body lying upon the ground just outside of The Three Broomsticks. It wasn't a real body, of course. Just a dummy, a mannequin, set up to resemble a dead man.

The closer they got, the more Draco's curiosity piqued. He stared down at the unmoving figure that seemed to have just collapsed without reason. Biting his lip, he snuck a look up at his partner for the day. He seemed just as perplexed as he was. Of course they would give the man at the top of the group the most difficult case. Being assigned to his side was by no means a blessing.

"What are you thinking?"

Draco hunched his shoulders and lowered himself so he was seated precariously upon the backs of his shins. He pulled his wand out, but wasn't sure exactly what for. He didn't have a clue where to start with this. "It's obviously complicated if we can't really determine what killed him." He ran his fingers over the hard, cold plastic of the mannequin's arm. He wasn't wearing a coat…. Was that on purpose? His shoes were also missing. And he wore not a single piece of jewelry. Frowning, he reached over to pat all pockets of the 'man's trousers. No money – nothing. "He was robbed…possibly. What do you think?"

"I'm thinking that I already know what happened…so we should get a drink."

It was amazing how easily one sentence could irritate a man. Draco's brows knit firmly together and his fingers hardened around his wand. He was so cocky…. "Excuse me?" he snapped, able to glare up at Potter now without feeling any warmness towards him. "And how exactly is it that you know what happened just by being here two seconds?"

Never had Draco seen Potter so pleased with himself. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the man with an unmovable satisfied grin. "Because Hawlish's assistant is extremely eager to please me." He said the words with an almost lascivious glint to his upturned lips. What exactly did that statement mean…?

Narrowing his eyes, Draco stood. His hands were on his hips and there was the utmost of defiant glints in the corner of his eye. "And why would he want to do that? To help you cheat your way to the top while some of slave to even stay in the program?"

For some reason, the sound of amusement that Potter made caused Draco's groin to twinge uncomfortably. His eyes widened, watching the other man step backward towards the Three Broomsticks. He looked extremely pleased with himself. "Um, no. It's actually because he was hoping my extra time would be spent bending him over his boss' desk."

For a long moment, Draco just stood there - stunned. His mouth was opened wide in complete shock, his arms falling rather gracelessly to his sides. _Harry Potter isn't... There's no way. No. He just...he can't be._

_Can he?_

The fact that he was here and not there should have been enough proof. Harry Potter was not gay. If he was, he would be off with that scuzzy assistant. He wouldn't waste his time with Draco Malfoy, otherwise.

"And obviously his hopes were ill-placed," Draco resolved quietly, just loud enough for Potter to hear if he cared to listen. But not loud enough to hide his genuine interest. Why exactly was he holding out for a semblance of hope?

"Obviously." Giving a cryptic smirk, the man turned away completely and entered the pub.

Draco was left breathless. His heart was beating fast - faster than when Blaise had stolen his first kiss in fourth year after the Yule Ball. If that was even possible... He had no idea why he felt this way, though. There was no reason. Why should this particular man make him feel this excited?

He told himself he was going to forget all of that. He wasn't going to focus on the strange way he felt. Right now, he was just going to follow in the other man's footsteps and try not to think about…anything. Because there were a lot of things crossing his mind right now, and he'd prefer not to dwell on a single one of them.

"I was fairly certain you weren't going to follow."

Draco rolled his eyes as he took a seat beside from Potter at a booth. Just like the streets, the Three Broomsticks was desolate. There was a man passed out upon the bar and a sketchy-looking witch talking to herself at a table across the room. In addition, Madame Rosmerta was coming over to them to take their order. The clack of her boots upon the wood flooring was the only resounding sound in the entire pub.

"Just…just a pint. Please." Draco gave a very forced smile, not raising his eyes from the hands knotting themselves in his lap. He was nervous. _Why am I nervous?_

A hand closed over his, settling them and causing his eyes to widen. He looked sideways at the other man, unsure of just what to make of this. "Same for me," Potter said smugly and caressed the back of his hand with the pad of his thumb.

Rosmerta didn't give them a second look before nodding and walking away. Leaving them in incredibly awkward silence A silence that Draco was desperate to break, but had no idea how. What would he say? Would he question the gesture or the reason for a private drink? Would he ask what the other was playing at? Would he make a pointed comment about Potter's girlfriend? Or would he just pin this gorgeous man up against the wall and snog him in desperation?

The last possibility made Draco feel both the most pleased and the most uncomfortable of all the options. He squirmed upon the fabric seat covering and flexed his fingers just barely under the almost-ghostly touch.

"Is this bothering you?" Potter asked after Rosmerta brought their pints. He removed his hand to take ahold of his frosty glass, leaving the other's pale ones shaking. Upon his lips was a smile that sang of how pleased he was with himself? This must be some kind of game to him.

That's when it really clicked for Draco. He felt foolish for any bit of hope he'd held onto and shook his head vigorously. A generous gulp of his beer helped him gather the right words to use, as well as give him a small bit of courage. "Is it meant to? Do you find it entertaining to hold hands with your queer ex-rival? Does it give you a rush to try and make me feel awkward?" He turned just slightly to the brunette, leaning his arm upon the table and resting his head into his open hand.

He was desperate to play this right. There was no way he'd allow this prick to best him.

"Careful, your Slytherin is coming through," Potter said on a still-boisterous laugh. He wasn't fazed in the least. If anything, he was shining even brighter now. Apparently nothing ever got to him.

"_Excuse_ me?"

Potter took his sweet time sipping at his mug, watching Draco with a hawk-like intensity. What was he trying to figure out? "You're overreacting. You're being dramatic. You're acting like an asshole and jumping to conclusions." His plastered-on grin seemed miles wider when paired with those words.

This man still wasn't making a lick of sense. "And...how am I supposed to be reacting...?"

"Like someone genuinely interesting is putting moves on you..."

It wasn't dignified or regal as someone of his upbringing should act, but Draco just couldn't help his loud, abrupt snort. The notion was preposterous! _Potter_ putting the moves on _him_?! The only explanation was that this was a very sick joke. _Haha, very funny…._ "Harry Potter…." The man met his eyes without hesitance, briefly causing Draco to lose his train of thought. He caught himself quickly, though and shook his head. "You have a girlfriend. You are straight. You are the savior of the bloody world. Remember? This little trick won't work on me. I won't fall for it. I'm smarter than you may take me for. So…I suggest that you stop trying before my hand finds my wand. I do know quite a few nasty hexes that I'd love to use again…."

For the first time all day, Potter seemed shaken. Just slightly. His smile faltered for a second and he even scooted a few inches away from his partner. He even almost looked dejected behind those vibrant green eyes. "Oh…," he intoned simply and tried to act like he was completely focused on the glass he was eagerly downing. "You're quite stubborn, Draco…."

"As you pointed out, my Slytherin traits come through quite prevalently." A moment of silence stretched out after that one retort, even though Draco had quite a bit more to say. He'd realized exactly what it was Potter had said and something was wrong with it. _He used my first name…._ They had always called one another by their surnames. It was a way of letting people know, it seemed, that they were not on a friendly basis. So when had the other decided that it was acceptable for them to try and achieve that higher relationship? When had he figured they could be friends? When he'd accepted the invitation to drink? Or when he had saved his life a year and some months ago?

There were many instincts at this point that Draco knew he should follow. Something wasn't right with this situation. He either needed to leave…or put himself in a position of power. Take control of this conversation. That was the preferable option. Defiantly, he stood and crossed over to the other side of the table. He was now seated across from the other man rather than beside, able to make comfortable eye-contact if necessary. His eyes were icy and hard, not giving off any sense that he was lacking confidence. It was a front he hadn't needed to put on since leaving Hogwarts. But it was something he was comfortable doing. Like slipping into a second skin.

His wrist was ready to flick at a moment's notice to bring his wand out of its holster and into his hand. He was prepared to do whatever it took to protect himself, at this point. This feeling of being threatened trumped the stigma attached to attacking the Chosen One. Above all, he felt he had the right to feel safe. "I'm not playing this game with you, Potter," he threatened under his voice, drawing lines through the frost of his mug with his fingers. "Believe it or not, I am in this program to become an Auror. To do something meaningful with the life you felt you needed to save. I do not have time to sit here and wait for you to get to your punch line. Put your petty grudge behind you and find someone else to try and torment. I won't allow you or Weasley or whoever else to get a laugh out of my personal life. Do you understand?"

"Trust issues must also be a Slytherin trait, then?" was what Potter decided to come back with. He didn't have a snarky quip at being caught or an insult to throw. He just felt it necessary to question Draco's motives for being guarded. The brunette man still wore a smile, but it was gentler now. Like he was almost pitying his counterpart now. "I need you to understand something, Malfoy. Draco…. I need you to understand that I'm not trying to make you into a joke. Are you listening to me?" He leaned in over the table, no longer sitting even slightly on his seat. His face was mere inches away from Draco's – so close that he could get a good whiff of what he smelt like. Citrus and musk and coffee and…nicotine? "Is that I'm telling you coming through clear enough…?"

_No…._ Draco stared at the man in front of him, afraid to move because it may close more of the distance between them. And if that were to happen, he might lose all illusions of restraint. He might start to listen to his body as it yearned for this man he felt like he should never want. His breath ragged, Draco shook his head slowly back and forth. He wasn't sure just what he was denying, but he just felt like he should be screaming the word 'no' loud enough to shake his own haze.

Denying might have been the wrong way to go, however. Silence was the wrong option, as well. Both combined might have been what threw Potter over that edge to take his risk. It might have been what caused him to close the inches between them. It might have been what gave him the courage to knot his fingers in Draco's robes and pull him in closer. It might have been that last push needed to seal Potter's inner desire into a cemented yearning. It might have been why the man who shouldn't be remotely genuine towards him crushed their lips together in a desperate attempt at a kiss.

His eyes wide, Draco just…sat there. He wanted to move his hands, but he wasn't sure what he would do with them if he did. The most obvious choice would be to push Potter away. Get him _off_. But there was the remote possibility that he would tangle his fingers into that attractively untamable head of black hair. If he did that, there would be no going back. And he would most definitely end up hurt in the end.

And so he just…sat there…. His hands at his side, his mouth too scared to move or make a sound, his insides trembling with fear and anticipation. How long he was being kissed, he had no idea. It felt like hours, but it couldn't have been that long before Potter pulled back. He looked thoroughly let down. _Good_, Draco found himself thinking, but wasn't sure he actually meant it.

"That might have been the worst kiss I've ever experienced," the other man whispered while retaking his seat. His cheeks were flushed and he finally looked dejected. Which didn't bring as much joy to Draco as he'd thought before. "And Cho Chang was once practically sobbing when I snogged her so…. That says something…." Potter frowned down at the table, then desperately reached for his pint, finishing it quickly. He looked like he needed a reason to be moving. He must have needed something to focus on or maybe he would completely lose it.

Slowly, Draco sat back in his own seat, wishing he could just sink into the cloth covering. His mouth was dry and wordless and he just…stared at his hands. He couldn't move because he didn't know what he would do. Honestly, he was a bit in shock. Every single part of him was conflicting with another. His hands wanted to reached out and caress the other man's face, but his fingers were intent upon curling until they broke into his palms. His mouth felt like it had been scorched by the invading lips, but his tongue had a desire to taste that tanned skin. His head was screaming that something here was just wrong, but his heart beat loudly in his chest as it yearned towards the man their world loved.

"Maybe…. Maybe I should clear some things up…. Since you don't seem eager to say anything." Potter laughed nervously, fidgeting with his now empty glass. "I suppose it isn't all that unfair of you to assume that I'm still with Ginny. But I'm not. It's just not something…we made public. She doesn't want the world to know that she caught me kissing one of her brothers shortly after the war ended. Considering we were supposed to get married and all…." He smiled softly, almost like he was pitying himself. "So, the other thing you have wrong about me, is that I'm not in fact straight. Which means, overall, I'm not playing any sort of game with you. I do genuinely…find you attractive…."

This time Draco was too ashamed to even make a sound. He wanted to snort or make a derisive noise. He wanted the man to know just how weird this was making him feel. How conflicted. How naked…. And yet…this was someone he hated for years. How could he be that open with him? It felt way too weird.

"You don't have to say anything. Just because you're queer…doesn't mean that you have to be into me. I get that. We have pasts. History. Problems that maybe you don't think you could overcome. I just want you to know that we've been in the same training program for a little over a year and I've come to enjoy watching you…."

"_Why_?"

Potter laughed abruptly, shaking his head back and forth vigorously. "I don't even know!" he said a little too loudly, covering his mouth in shame. His cheeks were red – clearly he was embarrassed. How was it that Draco Malfoy of all people could bring the unshakable Harry Potter to blushes? "Look, Draco, I don't even know why you of all people are what I've fixated upon. Merlin knows I used to dislike you with my very core. But something about the passion with which you do your training…. It's mesmerizing. It's…sexy…." He shifted his shoulders, possibly in the form of a nervous tic. "Strong men are quite attractive."

His stomach turning from either revile or fear or…something, Draco watched the other man speak. Watched every move he made and tried to pick up any hint of a lie. There had to be one somewhere. This was all too surreal, after all. "So…what does this mean, exactly? What am I supposed to do with this…fucking stupid information?"

Draco watched Potter's fingers as they continued to glide over the condensation on his empty mug. For one second, he even managed to meet his eyes. The alcohol sat in them, making him look slightly more vulnerable than usual. "Basically?" Draco nodded just slightly. "Basically it means that I have decided to act on my crazy idea of wanting to push you up against a wall and fuck you until our legs give out…."

Against his will, Draco's groin gave a very uncomfortable twinge. The notion of what Potter suggested…. It sounded better than it should have. Why did that entice him so much? He was fairly sure he hated him. What was changing?

His throat dry, Draco made a point of completely looking away from the other man. He licked his lips, then brought his hand up to swipe across his mouth. This time he knew he had to say something. He had to force himself to make up his mind on what he even wanted with this situation.

"That sounds like a….very dangerous idea," the blonde whispered, glancing around the pub. Making sure no one was listening. Making sure no one could witness the point where he broke completely. "But…I might be willing to…go along with it. For one afternoon."

The world just froze. It was like the earth stopped turning, time stopped moving, Draco's body stopped needing air. All he needed was to stick to his conviction. He needed to get up and sneak walk off to the bathroom. Biting his lip, he looked over his shoulder on the way. Giving that man a look of utter lust. Begging him to follow with his eyes.

There was absolutely no reason behind his decision. He would regret what he was doing later. As soon as it was over, he knew that he would need to be alone. He would need a moment to break down and process. But for now…. This man called him passionate. He saw a reason for what he was doing by becoming an Auror. And right now that was all that mattered. He just couldn't think on anything else. If that made him an idiot, so be it. He could deal with it later.

"This is romantic," Potter commented after entering the restroom. He leaned against the door, watching Draco lean against the wall opposite. For a moment they just stared at one another, too ashamed to begin anything. To close that gap. To start down this unforgettable road.

And then Potter made his first move. The sound of a lock clicking into place resounded through the tile-covered room. Draco's eyes went wide as the man took steps towards him. "If you are lying to me about anything…I _will_ make your life a living hell," was all he could get out before the man was doing just as he had admitted to wanting.

Draco's skull hit the incredibly solid wall, causing his head to swim as his eyes rolled back due to the sinful tongue on his neck. He let out an unrestrained moan, closing his eyes. This man – the one he was trying to forget the identity of in order to remain okay with his decision – had his hands everywhere. His motions were reeking of desperation and a long-stifled desire. How long had he been thinking about this?

"I'm not lying to you, Draco…," the man whispered through his kisses. This was just as he was pushing the blonde's t-shirt up over his chest. As his cold fingers grazed his nipples and brought along more noises that signaled he was coming undone. "I think you're beautiful…."

"Show me, then, Potter," Draco hissed. His opened his eyes, taking in a deep breath and deciding he should actively participate. Nervously, his hands found Potter's face, pulling it up to his. Their lips locked, their breaths synced, their bodies collided. It didn't take much after their tongues met for both men to come completely undone.

Both men had their pants around their ankles in no time. Draco was prepped. Potter was rock hard. Every move they made was simultaneous. And as the brunette pushed deep inside the blonde, it felt like they nearly became one person. Their thrusts and satisfied noises were absolutely synonymous.

Truthfully, it felt like two halves were finally meeting after years and years of searching in the dark.

"P-Potter…. Touch my cock…. Just…just touch me…," Draco begged, rocking eagerly upon the man's amazingly large member. He was ready to completely come undone.

"Like this?" Potter whispered, ghosting his fingers slick with Draco's own sweat over the swollen tip at his disposal. Immediately the man he was unearthly deep inside of threw his head back in a wild moan. He almost sounded like an animal in heat with that guttural sound. If it were possible, this spurred him on further. He shifted just slightly, pulling the legs around him tighter so that he could keep a good hold on his lover. And on the next good thrust he gave inside, the gorgeous God he was currently inside gave an extremely vulnerable screech of excitement.

Smiling, Potter leaned in to kiss the other's collar bone. Draco nodded eagerly, scrambling for a grip upon those strong, toned shoulders. "Y-yes…. Oh, f-fuck, Potter! There! Fucking right…there!" He repeatedly pulled his head up off the wall and slammed it back again, climbing further and further towards his orgasm with every pound to his prostate.

And, then, it was over. Just as Potter's fingers grazed harder over his cock again, enough to just be a touch, Draco found that he could no longer hold it in. His voice caught in his throat as he nearly screamed his release. The only thing that stopped the noise was the needy mouth upon his to distract him as his seed splashed over both of their robes. "Fuck he whispered, watching to reach for his wand and clean up. Wanting to remove this evidence so he could leave as soon as possible. Wanting to walk out of this room and think about what he'd done on his own.

He felt so dirty….

An indescribable heat filled Draco not but a minute later when Potter also found his release. He was suddenly well aware of their lacking use of protection. Closing his eyes, he allowed his head to thunk back against the tile one last time. His skin crawled and begged for a shower. If he left now, he could rush home before going back to the training center and pretending they had solved their case in a good amount of time. This was not how he had imagined things going when he'd enlisted in his program.

"I need to go…."

Frowning, like he'd just heard distressing news, Potter looked up from their still connected body parts to try and read Draco's face. Very slowly, the blonde opened his eyes and immediately felt guilty. The hurt in this man's eyes…. Why did he care so much if he left? Wasn't this supposed to just be some sort of one off?

"Right. Sure…." Putting on a smile, Potter gingerly used his admittedly impressive muscles to lift Draco off of his now-flaccid member and set him back down on the floor like a child. "Um…where are you going to…going to go…?"

Draco shrugged, blushing in deep shame as he pulled his trousers back up around his hips. He buttoned them in deep silence and tucked his shirt back in. The last thing he did was take a cleansing spell to his spunk. "Home. Have a shower…."

He didn't see it because he was avoiding looking at the man, but Draco could guess that Potter's deep sigh was drenched with sadness. He took a step back, also bringing himself to a more decent state of dress. "Well…we should meet back at the Ministry in an hour, then. I'll go pay our tab…don't worry about it. And I'll see you then?"

All Draco gave was a small nod in response. He didn't have anything else to say. Fear and loathing were gluing his throat closed. Even though he could feel Potter's fluids spilling out of him, he needed to just leave. He'd deal with the mess when he got home. Honestly, at this point he just needed to be somewhere he felt safe. He needed to sit and think and reflect on what he had just done.

But more importantly, who he'd done it with.

It was well over an hour later before Draco pulled himself out of the shower. By that time, it had long since turned cold, but he stayed in to wash up because he felt he deserved the freezing spray. His time before that had been spent in a drawn out haze of sobbing. It started as angry tears streaming down his face, but by the end he knew he'd progressed into tears of just absolute agony. Emptiness. Loneliness.

Draco's heart was breaking. He wasn't even sure why he felt this way. All he knew was that this encounter had somehow left him a shadow of a man. He could no longer stand for long periods of time. His breaths were rough and shallow. There was an ache somewhere between his sore buttocks and his constricted throat.

"He meant nothing. This meant nothing. Just…two coworkers letting off steam. His advances were…unwarranted. He might have just said those things to get some tail. Maybe Potter does things like that…."

In the end, Draco decided not to return to the Ministry. He was incredibly ashamed and felt it would be best to stay in his flat by himself than to envision everything they had done upon sight of the other man. Potter could make up whatever excuse he wanted – he honestly didn't care.

All he wanted was to curl up in bed with a pint of pistachio ice cream, a large mug full of Irished-coffee, and a book that could take his mind off of this mess. (The mess being his extremely conflicted feelings, of course.)

Draco's strategy was good for the night. It worked until he fell asleep with the book open upon his chest, the mug and carton of dessert completely licked clean. He even had a dreamless sleep, which was a welcome addition at that point. This was not the morning he wanted to wake up with memory-induced morning wood.

Feeling slightly better, he crawled out of bed and raked a few fingers through his chin-length hair. It was getting a bit long…. He wasn't bothering to slick it back anymore, as it wouldn't stay if he tried. Strands kept falling out and that wasn't distinguished in any respect. So, most days, he just allowed it to hang in his face. Allowed it to be there as a curtain to hide his emotions.

"Fucking hell," he whispered, taking a few steps away from the bed. Every single motion sent a shooting pain through his behind, reminding him just how long it had been since he'd received any action beyond drunk, misguided fondling.

Somehow, he managed to amble over to the bathroom. His entire apartment was like one big room - a studio with the entertaining space on a loft above. This was something he silently sent a blessing for right now, as he didn't have to walk far to get his potions or to the kitchen to get food to take them with. He sat heavily at the dining table, groaning loudly and taking an unwanted bite of his rather ripe banana.

_Reminder, go grocery shopping…when I can walk._

Dressing after breakfast was even more difficult. If he wanted to make it to Auror training today, he needed to get ready and leave within fifteen minutes. But the potions also wouldn't kick in until around that time. So he put on his pants with extreme difficulty and almost decided not to wear socks. Or trousers. Or shoes. Basically anything that had to go on his lower half, he wished he could do without.

After dressing, Draco barely had enough time to clean his teeth or pull a brush through his hair before he needed to rush out the door. Literally, rushing was what he did. He opened the door, stepped outside quickly while turned around in order to lock it, his wallet shoved between his teeth for safe keeping as backed away and ran smack dab into someone.

"Shit, sorry," he apologized profusely after pulling the wallet out. He eagerly shoved it into his pocket and turned around to look at who he had nearly bowled over.

And immediately wished he'd stayed in bed.

"Oh, so you _are_ alive!"

_Potter_. With his smug grin and his fucking messy hair and that perfectly put-on set of robes…. What the hell was he doing here? And how did he know where Draco lived…?

While averting his eyes, Draco took steps away towards his lift. And to his dismay, the other man followed. "What are you doing here?" he asked quietly, looking around. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to be seen by anyone with this man. Even if his building was all Muggles, as far as he knew. "And how did you get my address?"

As soon as they were in the lift, unfortunately there was nowhere to go to remain a space of ten feet between them. Draco felt suddenly claustrophobic. He stared directly down at his shoes after pressing the button for the first floor and tried to just shrink completely into himself.

"I asked Hawlish so I could make sure you weren't too ill." Potter, for his part, kept good distance. He remained leaning upon the opposite wall, arms braced upon the rail nonchalantly. As if walking through a man he used to loathe's apartment building was a routine operation. "And…I'm here to make sure you're alright. Also, to walk you to the Ministry."

"I'm apparating," Draco practically snapped, racing out the door as soon as it began to open on the ground floor.

Potter kept up quite well, putting that well-toned figure to good use. "Great, we can go together!" he called, grinning like the madman he just might be

"Stop following me!"

The footsteps behind Draco didn't even pause for a second. Potter followed him straight out the front door and down to the alley in which Draco used to apparate to work every morning. He was thankful for the potions he'd taken as they were the only way he could stay the few steps ahead that he was. The few steps that were making it possible for him to get away before Potter caught up.

Or could have made it possible if he hadn't tripped over his own feet and stumbled just slightly as he went down the alley. Swearing, he straightened up, but at this point he had already lost all ground he'd gained. Potter's hand closed around his arm just as he tried to scurry off, halting any motivation he'd had to run away.

"I don't know why you're avoiding me…. But I'd really like to know."

The question Draco didn't want to hear. Mostly because he didn't have an answer…. For just an instant, he looked up into the green eyes and was immediately hooked. In desperation, tried to look away, but found that he kept going back to them. And they begged for the truth that he hadn't even realized yet.

But that didn't stop him from blurting it out, apparently.

"You're not supposed to like me, Potter. You're not supposed to even look at me. I'm a peasant in comparison to your greatness – everyone knows it. I don't know why you're wasting your time on me. I don't know why you'd even bother to watch how I am during training. I'm just a fucked up Malfoy like the rest of my family. And what we did yesterday…you shouldn't want to even think about doing with me. Because I'm nothing. I'm shit. And you are an absolute god to our world. So…you should probably go back to the Weasley you snogged and put moves on him. He's probably more acceptable for you, anyway. And I'd prefer not to end up hurt."

Feeling exposed, Draco wrenched away his arm and crossed both over his chest. His cheeks darkened and his vision was once again blurring with tears. Everything he feared with any man better than himself was out on the table now. To Harry Potter of all people.

The man who was currently lifting his chin so they could look into one another's eyes. Why did his gaze look so genuine? "One…I want you to stop calling me 'Potter'. We're not petty teenagers anymore, Draco…call me 'Harry'. Okay?" Helpless to that kind look he was receiving, Draco nodded in agreement. Potter – Harry – grinned wider and moved his fingers from the man's chin and across his jaw. Gently cupping his face and giving him the gentlest of looks. Like he was something beautiful to behold. "Two…I want you to give me one night to prove myself. Do you understand?" Again, Draco nodded. "Tonight. Come to my place, I'll write down the address, and we will have a date. Just you and me. And if you still feel like you don't deserve my love…I'll leave you alone. Forever.

"Deal?"

Draco wished he knew how to say 'no' right then. He felt so vulnerable and open, like he really had no other choice. He wanted a choice…. But his heart had already made up his mind. "Deal," he whispered, his dark eyelashes coming down to kiss his cheeks. His eyes were closed, he didn't see the absolute glee his resignation brought the other man. But he could sort of feel it in the way he was sweetly kissed for just a moment before standing completely alone in the alley.

Like nothing had ever happened….

The only sign that Harry Potter had even been there was a small scrap of paper nestled into Draco Malfoy's palm. Written upon it was an address as well as a specified time. His lips still tingling, he carefully tucked the scrap into his pocket and gathered himself with a small smile. As nervous as was…. As absolutely terrified as this prospect made him feel….

He couldn't deny that this…_thing_ they were doing felt right in his bones. And for him, it could either be all or end all. It could, and possibly would, be his downfall.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second (and what was supposed to be the last) chapter of the birthday fic for my best stalker. But...I kind of was inspired for a third. So for now here's this! Enjoy and let me know what you think. Please and thank you!**

* * *

There really was no reason for Draco to be standing outside of his apartment door. He had every reason to turn on his heel and walk away. It wasn't like he had knocked yet. He could honestly just go back the way he came. No one would ever know he'd come this far. No one would ever know he was a coward….

But he didn't want to be a coward. Clearing his throat, he stepped closer to the door, actually extending his arm outwards. Ready to knock. Ready to do this. Ready to give up his millions of fears for this…date….

He'd been nervous all day. All throughout training, he was glad he didn't have to even see Potter's face. They had once again been split up to go on fake cases. This had been a great excuse to help him forget what would be happening that night, but it had to end at some point. And that point came quicker than he'd desired as his case with one of the dumber trainees had been ridiculously easy.

Three hours of worrying and prepping and trying not to freak out too much later and here he was.

"Don't be a softie, Draco," he admonished himself, rapping his knuckles harshly upon the door. He's faced much worse than a date with Harry Potter in his life.

From the sounds behind the door, it was clear someone was home. Draco could heard scuffles and footsteps, a loud noise of something falling. He frowned, a little worried he might have read the address wrong. Or, if it was the right apartment, perhaps he was too early? He stepped in a bit closer, pressing his ear to the wood, straining to hear anything at all.

"-just so difficult tonight? Huh, little man?"

Before he could make sense of what he'd heard, Draco felt the door open away from his face. He immediately stiffened, partially bent over and absolutely caught.

"Um…. Hello, Draco…." Potter gave a small chuckle and the blonde man imagined he was grinning. Quite amused.

It took a very deep, steadying breath to rebuild Draco's demeanor. As soon as he was straightened up, he looked as confident and Malfoy-like as ever. It almost looked easy to pretend he hadn't been just listening at the man's door to his inner struggles. "Potter."

Potter cleared his throat, crossing his arms and standing in the absolute middle of his doorway. He gave the other man a look of absolute seriousness, though there was still a small upturn to the corner of his lips. "What did I tell you to call me…? If you don't comply with the one thing I ask, I won't let you inside…."

Ultimatums were one of those things Draco just hated. Most often there were more than two choices available. And still people thought that using this form of expression was acceptable. His jaw squared, he crossed his arms as well. He had the idea to say his piece and then walk away. To tell this man just what irritated him and that he wasn't going to stand for it.

But that idea disappeared as soon as it came. Genuinely, he did have a desire to be here. He did wonder where this night could go. And he was still feeling that ache in his backside that reminded him of the afternoon before. So, in the end, his defiant stance shifted just slightly to be playful and he leaned in to seductively whisper, "I thought coming inside was more your area of expertise, _Harry_…."

There was nothing Draco had ever seen that was sexier than this man before him blushing red from absolute embarrassment. Harry – as he mentally made sure he remembered to call him – ran his fingers through his messy, black hair. It fell over only parts of his face, doing absolutely nothing to hide him. He even averted his eyes, looking as if he was fumbling for words. But, really, all he did was make sounds that were almost impossible to hear.

"Har'? Har' Har'?!"

"Yeah, I'm coming, little man!" Harry looked back inside the apartment, gripping the door hard for a moment. He looked to be calming himself down, possibly a little riled from what Draco had said. Apparently he was good at this…. "Um…you can…come in. Just…." Sighing, Harry let go of the door and pushed it all of the way open. "Don't freak."

Draco was listening, but he was no longer looking at his date for the night. He was instead focusing solely on the small boy standing in a spot that was recently obstructed by the door. "You have a baby?" he spat, shock and fear preventing him from filtering intact.

"I don't normally introduce him on first dates..." Every move Harry made was small and calculated. Like he was walking on hot coals around a sleeping lion. Slowly he stepped back to the child, reaching down and hoisting him (with obvious experience) onto his hip. "I just couldn't get him a sitter and his grandmother deserves a night off..." He stepped forward, like he was trying to acclimate the boy into Draco's vision. "And he's not a baby. His name is Edward - we call him Teddy - and he's my godson. He lives with me. I care for him. But...in no way is he genetically mine...if that makes a difference."

And there was another ultimatum. It wasn't spoken aloud, but Draco still heads it nonetheless - If you don't like it, you don't have to stay. He could read it in the protective way Harry had his arm secured around the boy's back and in the trembling quality his eyes had taken on. He was aware that this was a big thing to reveal on a first (and mostly likely the only) date. But he cared a lot about the child. So...he would defend his presence.

"Uh..." Before he really knew what he was thinking, Draco's feet had carried him forward and inside the apartment. He was shutting the front door before he'd even realized, sealing himself inside. Committing himself to try this. "No, it's really no problem..."

"Really?" The other man stared at Draco in shock for a drawn-out moment. Like he couldn't believe that a man who embraced his noble Black heritage could be fine with this situation. With giving his intimate company to a man who cared for a young child like it was his own. "Well...great!" He grinned in the end, setting Teddy back down on the floor and straightening his shirt where it had ridden up a bit.

To which the boy responded by promptly bursting into tears. Of course. Harry swore under his breath, suddenly looking nervous again as young parents do when their child cries. Draco simply bit his lip, standing awkward and looking on as the other man picked the crying child back up, rocking him against his chest.

"He's in this phase where he absolutely hates to be put down...," Harry explained. "But I'll try to sit him down with something to eat so we can enjoy...this..."

With a nod, Draco searched for something - anything - to look at in distraction. Again that fear of regretting coming here was settling in. He had said that the man having a child (or sort of having a child?) was fine, but really it did freak him out a bit. Not because he hated children, but because he didn't really know how to relate... So instead of focusing on that, he surveyed the comfortable living space.

It wasn't a loft like Draco's own apartment, but he was sure that style wouldn't exactly be conducive to raising children. Currently they were standing in the entrance hallway. Beyond that, it opened up into a living room and kitchen on the left. The right continued even with three doors lining the wall. One, he assumed, was the bathroom and the other two had to be bedrooms. It was a sweet looking place for a little family.

"You have a nice little apartment," Draco said kindly, following Harry as he beckoned him into the living room. The decor in this room was mostly photos of red-haired people, but that made sense. The Weasleys were probably the closest thing Harry had to family... But old habits still died hard. His lip curled at them all, avoiding giving any of the moving figures even the slightest eye-contact.

There was a small dining table at the edge of the tile flooring that made up the kitchen space. Around the table were three chairs as well as a high-chair. Harry slipped the still-whining child into this feeding seat, bringing the tears back full-force. He sighed quite loudly at the sound and gave Draco a look that clearly said he was near his wit's end. "If you want to insult it, come right out with it," he said rather plainly before going to dig in a cupboard.

Draco reflected on his words, not really recalling his tone. What he had said wasn't really meant to be a veiled insult... He had truly meant that he liked it. It seemed homely and appropriate for settling down at a young age. He supposed, though, that someone like him calling something small might seem a bit pretentious. "I hadn't meant it as an insult," he reassured with a calm smile. He was trying extra hard tonight to keep the bite out of his words. If he was going through with this rather strange date, he wanted things to go as smooth as possible.

Out of the small number of photographs not containing red-headed heathens, one in particular caught Draco's eye as he continued to look around. He cautiously looked back to make sure Harry was otherwise preoccupied, then leaned in closer to examine it.

The man in the photo was almost an exact replica of the man he was currently on a date with. The only differences evident were the man's dancing hazel eyes and his lack of round glasses. He wore a slightly rumpled suit and was grinning from ear-to-ear. His arm was looped around the neck of another man who had distinctly Black ancestry features and a smile that matched. On the other side of them was a woman in a sparkling, white wedding dress. Her hair was red, but not in that rusty way that made his stomach curl. And her eyes….

"If you say I have her eyes, I swear I'll kick you out."

Slightly startled, Draco turned but didn't straighten up. Harry still stood in the kitchen, setting a bowl of cereal in front of Teddy. Their eyes met and he recognized the color pigment for pigment in the ones that held his. He tilted his head to the side, looked between the wedding photo and the other man with a small nod. "Are these your parents?" he asked. He wanted to comment about the eyes - tell him they were beautiful or something to that cheesy extent - but he would refrain because he could tell Harry heard it a lot. It wasn't something he needed to point out.

"Yes. And my godfather, Sirius Black." Making sure that Teddy was preoccupied for the moment, Harry crossed over to look at the photograph, as well. The enchanted people perked up in his presence and immediately began to wave at him. His parents may have died when he was young, but this was at least a way for him to see them. It was sweet.

"They look...happy." Draco smiled, looking over at Harry as they both straightened up. "Just like someone should on their wedding day." In that moment, he briefly thought back on his own arranged engagement to a girl he'd hardly known. A girl who had done everything she could to try and help him want the marriage too. A girl who'd ultimately helped him come out to his parents.

Suffice it to say, the engagement hadn't lasted long. "I almost was married last summer. After the war...," he admitted, not entirely sure why. Maybe he wanted Harry to trust him? To actually know him? "The Greengrasses were never caught for anything. Father figured marrying Astoria would be quite beneficial to our name. She was also Pureblood, of course. Have to preserve the Pureblood lineage..." He shrugged, the idea of the past situation still obviously smarting a little.

A slightly cold but incredibly gentle hand slipped inside of Draco's. Neither man acknowledged it, but the blonde did give careful pressure in response. "Did you love her? I mean...do you even like women?"

Draco wanted to say something clever. He'd often used words as a way to cover his emotions when he felt uncomfortable. But right now, looking into the eyes of a man who'd saved his life even when he was aiming to hurt him, snarky comments escaped him completely. He licked his lips and turned further into Harry. His fingers closed tighter around his and he didn't hesitate to think as he whispered, "Not even the slightest," and leaned in to kiss him for reassurance.

The heat behind it should be more than enough to do so.

It was hot and fiery, but still kind and tender. Not too needy. Not the type of kiss that meant they needed to take to the bedroom right away. More the type that made their hearts beat harshly in their chests as they reluctantly pulled away.

"Is pizza alright for dinner?" Harry panted.

If he was feeling anything close to what Draco was, then it must feel like he'd finished running a marathon. He was out of breath and there was this small ache in the pit of his stomach. Like a nagging that that he needed to be careful. He shouldn't be just kissing Harry Potter of all people. He should be sneering more and criticizing everything. Why couldn't he just be how he was a little over a year ago? What was it exactly about this man now that there wasn't before?

"Sure," he whispered, unable to speak any louder without betraying some of the conflicted emotions he was feeling.

Looking as if he needed to put distance between them to save his dignity, Harry backed away towards the kitchen. He grabbed a Muggle telephone and note pad from the counter before hopping up to sit upon it. "What toppings do you like?" he asked, looking only briefly up at Draco as he typed some of the numbers on the phone.

Draco didn't really eat pizza growing up. It was a bit indelicate and peasant, or so his father said. But once he had moved into his own apartment, he had ordered it once or twice. It was an okay food, not exactly something he could eat every day. And he had found that he couldn't really eat the more 'normal' toppings. His taste was too gourmet for such things as pepperoni and sausage. "Margherita, if it's not too much trouble," he said quietly, a bit meek that he had a more expensive taste.

With a raised brow, Harry looked from the phone over to the other man, then back down at the phone. He was partway through typing the numbers in when he licked his lips and nodded cautiously. "I will…ask if they'll do that…. Any second choices?"

"Cheese," Draco sighed. He took one last look at the happily married couple and their best friend before walking away from the wall of photos. The other man had made a noise to show he'd heard before finishing his task. He was talking to someone over the line a moment later, motioning for Draco to take a seat. The blonde looked down at the couch behind him – pre-owned it seemed and most likely dated by at least ten years.

For a moment, Draco longed for his own apartment. His clean, new leather couches and his fridge stocked with organic vegetables. A place that reeked of money instead of family. His comfort zone. This wasn't…bad…. It just didn't feel altogether like home. It felt like a giant leap into something unknown and most likely unhealthy.

It felt like a reckless decision.

Slowly, he sat upon the vile couch. He would have to remember send these clothes straight to the dry cleaners. Merlin knew what germs and stains still lingered upon the upholstery.

"I know what you're thinking."

Startled, Draco looked over his shoulder at Harry. The man stood behind him, his hands soon in the overgrown locks of platinum hair. He stiffened slightly, feeling a bit caught. At the same time…those fingers felt heavenly against his scalp. Unable to help himself, he responded with only a small moan, head tipping back against the couch cushions.

"You're thinking this was a bad idea. That we have nothing in common…. I can see it in your eyes. You're comparing my life to yours. I'm about family and chivalry, as you see it. And you're…more in-tune with money and luxury. But what I'm thinking is that…those things can go well together. We could learn things from one another, Draco. I can learn to love weird pizzas and clothes so fancy they're uncomfortable." Harry laughed and it looked so endearing. So genuine. "What I'm saying is…don't give up on this before we've even begun. Give it a chance. We have our differences, but so does everyone else. I really want to try this. To see if we can make it work…."

"Why?" Draco asked quietly. His eyes closed from the pure ecstasy this man was showing him. He couldn't deny that it would be nice to try this. To try and get something he most definitely didn't deserve. But why was Harry even settling in the first place? What was so special about a former Death Eater who had been too much of a coward to even do anything?

Harry opened his mouth to speak. Draco felt a chill run down his spine in anticipation. And then Teddy gave a piercing shriek, begging for attention. The child had thrown his bowl on the floor and no longer had anything to keep him occupied. He silently cursed the child for being there and ruining the flow of the date. "Sorry…one second," Harry whispered, removing those magical fingers and rushing to the boy's aid.

Sneering, Draco sat back up. He didn't hate children, but he didn't really love them, either. Children to him just meant the continuation of the Malfoy/Black line. It meant an obligation rather than a thing produced out of love. An obligation he shouldn't have to worry about now that he was fully out to his family. They knew he had no desire to produce children. He doubted if they would accept any child he might bear in the future, anyway, as it would be more of an abomination than anything.

This child, though, he just might come to hate. He set his squared vision forward, folding his hands in his lap elegantly. The picture of patience on the outside while screaming and cursing on the inside.

"It's hard for him, me being away most of the day for training." Harry came back, Teddy once again on his hip. He looked ashamed and apologetic, like he knew just how much of an inconvenience this situation was. It wouldn't come as a surprise if he'd received flack from his ex-girlfriend for this very subject quite often.

It wasn't fair of Draco, for this exact reason, to be angry at this child. Harry did the best he could. He was kind enough to take the boy in, being as young as he was. And he most definitely didn't want to be anything like what the man had experienced in the past. He wanted to be new and better.

He wanted to _last_.

It wasn't a thought he dwelled on for long. Draco didn't want to admit to himself so soon into this thing they were doing that he was aiming for longevity. He didn't want to think that he was actually fully investing himself into this. It wasn't smart.

"I don't mind," Draco said on an almost inaudible whisper. He watched the man and his pseudo-son take a seat upon the floor in front of him. Harry reached for a bin of toys, setting Teddy down in front of him. He tried to engage the boy with various things, but he was just…needy. Clingy. Desperate for attention from this great man.

_Aren't we all…?_

The though exasperated Draco. He wasn't the type to get this wrapped up. To commit himself so fully that it was all he thought about.

"We should get to know each other better," Harry suggested, still fighting the small boy for a balance between full attention and quiet contentment. "I mean, honestly, we hardly know one another. So…tell me about the relationships you've been in. You mentioned being engaged to…Astoria Greengrass?" He narrowed his eyes in question, making sure he remembered the details correctly.

Draco nodded, looking slightly hesitant. Sharing was not his strong suit. His first instinct was to close down and redirect the conversation. But he fought past that and spoke before he could stop himself. "Yes…that's right. My father arranged it." He cleared his throat, sitting up and propping his elbows upon his knees. Giving full eye-contact as he divulged. Trusting this man he'd once hated so passionately with the intimate details of his life. "Astoria was a wonderful woman. She…was kind and patient. Always wanted to know my feelings on everything. She really taught me to allow myself to be open with people. That it wasn't shameful to have feelings and express them within normal boundaries." He blushed, feeling exposed and suddenly desiring a strong drink. "Um…." Swallowing hard, he stood and practically rushed into the kitchen. "Do you have anything to drink in here…?" he asked, pulling open the fridge door and thrusting his burning face inside, the cold a great relief.

He could hear Harry laughing in the living room. This was amusing to him. Of course, he was so brave and bold, this type of embarrassment must be such a laugh. "I think Hermione left a couple bottles of wine on the bottom shelf!"

His eyes landing upon the bottles, Draco let out a loud sigh of relief. He grabbed one, shut the fridge door, and took absolutely no time in whipping his wand out to extract the cork.

"Do you want a glass?" Harry asked, watching the other man greedily take a large swig straight from the bottle. It was completely unrefined and slightly sexy.

Draco shook his head vigorously. The liquid slipped down his throat with ease, immediately sinking into his bones. Making him weightless and worriless. Giving him the confidence he needed to continue even thinking about having a conversation that exposed him so fully. "I'm fine," he said softly, retaking his spot upon the couch and taking one more drink before continuing. "Anyway…. Astoria's a great person. She's my best friend. She helped me come out to my parents and is always supportive…. I couldn't ask for anything better.

"Besides her, I've done…things with guys I've never bothered to remember the names of. I've never really dated a man. Or a boy. Tried dating Pansy Parkinson during our fourth year…. I took her to the Yule Ball, if you'll remember. But I most certainly did not leave with her…."

With his next drink, the bottle of wine was halfway gone. It was going to his head quickly, relaxing his tongue. He'd never told anyone what happened that night. He had been sworn to secrecy. But what did that matter now? He was no longer a child. He didn't have to use that sort of restraint. He was sure no one would find out he'd told, anyway. This man wasn't a gossip, was he?

"Who did you leave with, then?" Harry asked, looking genuinely entertained. He'd preoccupied Teddy off to the side with a toy farm for the moment. From his spot on the floor, he could just sit there and watch this man unravel more and more by the second.

With a small giggle, Draco met the boy's eyes. He considered lying for a moment, preserving his friend's dignity. But he really wanted to see the look on the other man's face in response to the truth. "Blaise Zabini," he whispered, leaning down to be heard well.

For a moment, Harry's face was blank. He just stared at the blonde losing his dignified posture and demeanor with every drink. Tried to discern if he was telling the truth. Raised a brow at him as he kept the same serious, relaxed expression. Then allowed his jaw to drop a little bit, most likely in surprise. His friend's bi-whorious status wasn't exactly well-known. "Seriously?" he finally questioned back. "Like…you just left with him or…you _left_ with him…?"

"Technically those are the same thing." But Draco understood what he meant. He wanted to know what happened, because if it was completely platonic then that made it less interesting. "We sort of…in between left together. We were both bored near the end and walked out together. Went back to the dormitory. Took off our dress robes and…he kept staring. Like…we'd undressed in front of one another before that. No big deal. But this time, he was watching me like a straight boy isn't supposed to. And then he kissed me. We were fourteen…a kiss isn't exactly revolutionary. But for a boy who's trying so hard to be normal, it changes things. Makes him think maybe he just could act on his weird feelings."

"And did the two of you ever do anything besides the one kiss?" The eager curiosity was unmistakable in Harry's vibrant green eyes. He scooted closer, like the stories Draco told were the most interesting things he'd ever heard. Like he would die if he couldn't hear more. It was rather flattering, actually.

Feeling much like a peacock, Draco slipped onto the floor, as well. He sat right in front of Harry, matching his cross-legged position. "Oh, of course," he said in the softest, most secret-revealing voice. He passed the wine bottle over to the other man, wanting to see him unravel in the same way as himself. "We were two horny teenage boys. We were each other's…firsts in basically everything. It wasn't romantic or anything. We weren't in love by any means. We were just helping one another. You know? Just touching and kissing and fucking to see what it felt like." He laughed, remembering their clumsy first time in bed. The fact that neither of them really knew what to do and the way they each tried to pretend they were more knowledgeable than the other.

He wasn't embarrassed by it. Blaise might be, but he tried his damnedest to come off as straight. He didn't date boys after they'd decided to stop their experimenting. But that didn't mean he was abject to picking an attractive man up at the club here and there.

With a laugh that sounded like he still might not fully believe Draco, Harry took a drink from the wine bottle as well. He clearly didn't have stories like this, it was quite prevalent in his eyes. "Wow…." He ran his fingers through his ever-messy hair and shook his head with a small laugh. "Who knew…?" His grin when he finally met Draco's eyes again was a decent mix of mesmerized and awed. Like he was still in shock but also kind of wondered what exactly the two boys had perfected during their 'experiments'.

Silence followed Draco's confession and Harry's amazement. They were both still processing what had been said. They were content to sit there and watch each other in that moment. Take in small expressions and reactions. Listen to Teddy _moo_ at every single one of the different farm animals. Pass the bottle back and forth until there was only a few sips left.

The sound of a knock at the door was what broke them from their stupor. Harry chuckled at nothing in particular, jumping up and taking a moment to steady his feet. "That'll be the pizza. I'll be right back." He leaned down to quickly steal a kiss from Draco's wine-softened lips before making for the door. Leaving the blonde man with a dopey grin on his lips and a satisfying mild buzz.

"Since when do you eat vegetables on your pizza?"

The alcohol in Draco's system caused a bit of a lag. He knew he recognized the voice. He knew he heard it quite often and that it irritated him. He just…couldn't remember who it was. With a raised brow, he looked over his shoulder, craning to try and see the doorway. It didn't seem like the pizza man…. Too friendly, too casual.

"I can try something new, can't I? Did you at least pay the delivery man?"

"Yeah, yeah... Said I'd just bring it up. Spot me for half and we can share."

"Actually, Ron…."

_Right_. Weasley…. Draco remembered again that he shouldn't be welcome here with that realization. He straightened up, his back stiff against the front of the couch. No longer did he want to see the door. He didn't want to be seen. Was he supposed to be seen? Honestly, he had no idea what to expect as far as Harry's openness with his friends went.

"What, you're not going to let me in? Come one, Hermione's busy with…something or other at the Ministry. I'm going mad at the house alone. Two pizzas is more than enough for you to share…."

_That boy is absolutely thick…._ Draco rolled his eyes, his forehead falling against his knees as he brought them up to his chest. Listening carefully to everything they said. Wanting to preserve this date. Wanting it to just be theirs. Wanting him to just _go away_. He was enjoying this too much….

"Ron, I actually have a date tonight. You know…with a guy. And we're in the middle of it. And the second pizza is for him…."

It was then that Teddy took the inopportune chance to notice that his caretaker was missing from the room. He looked at Draco, his lower lip wobbling. His eyes filled with tears and the brown hairs atop his head began to fade into a turquoise color that most children did not have. His eyes wide, Draco watched as the child stood on his little legs, wobbling towards the front door. "Shit," he whispered, standing to go after him. He caught him around his middle as he reached the kitchen, just as he began to shriek. Which, of course, scared him a bit so he let go again. To which he swore again and reached after him again.

What Draco should have done was pick him up. He should try and console him. Tell him to hush and that everything would be okay, his daddy would be back soon. But…he just couldn't. He didn't know how to handle children. He didn't know the acceptable way to hold them. Consoling them was an even further lost subject to him. So he just knelt there, his hand barely holding the squirming toddler in his place as he struggled and cried.

"A date, Harry? And Teddy's here? How much of a git do you think I am?" There was scuffling near the door, like Harry was trying to block the other man from the apartment.

But it didn't work...

The man stopped just short of stepping on Draco's hand that was braced on the floor. He barely tightened the other around Teddy and swallowed hard. For a moment they just stared at one another. Their eyes wide and full of confusion or embarrassment, respectively.

"Weasley...," Draco murmured, his voice as civil and polite as possible. His grey eyes flicked to Harry's green ones as he, too, entered the room. They shared a look of disappointment, but in the end the other man attempted a smile.

"Malfoy?" Weasley turned to face his friend, expression completely taken over by revulsion and hate by now. Sometimes it seemed reactions were difficult for him to grasp, but when he got them, he got them good. "Your date is with Malfoy?! This is some kind of joke, right? Please tell me it is..."

Draco knew that Harry was going to lie. He knew he would be ashamed and make up some excuse. He knew that if Weasley disapproved of his date, then it had to either be over or be a secret.

So when Harry actually said, "Come off it, Ron. I'm an adult. If I choose to date Draco Malfoy, then I think it's safe to say that I know what I'm doing," the blonde's jaw nearly dropped all the way to the floor. "Besides, last I checked, this is my apartment that you barged into. My private date you interrupted. And my dinner you intercepted. I didn't go seeking your opinion."

"Bloody hell, Harry..." It was definitely safe to say that Weasley was thrown by Harry's words. It seemed like he hadn't even expected him to tell the truth or defend his decisions. Rotating between several different emotions, the man stepped deliberately around Draco and into the kitchen. He set the pizzas down upon the counter before stalking back out.

"Thank you for dinner," Draco found himself saying. It could have been a kind thing to say. He could have said it and been completely sincere. But he had spent his entire life disliking this man and his family. It was nearly impossible to keep the teasing bite out of his tone.

Which was why he ended up with a bloody nose. Weasley stepped back from him, shaking out his hand. It must have hurt him just as much - there was so much hate and power behind it. The stinging throughout the center of Draco's face was all he could feel at the moment. Just the sensation of impact. But he knew soon he'd be in an unbearable amount of pain.

If Teddy had seemed loud before, it was nothing in comparison to the wailing he let loose with now. Draco let go of him, letting him run to Harry. Allowing him the freedom to receive comfort while he had to cradle his probably broken nose. His hands were stained red with blood and he was sure his face looked worse.

"You need to leave."

Draco's heart sank. It was unclear who exactly Harry was talking to. He was cradling Teddy tight to his chest, focusing solely on him as he whispered soft reassurances. He had a feeling it was him he wanted gone. The smug, empowered look Weasley was giving him made that pretty clear.

There was no dignity left in Draco as he stood. He clamped down harder upon his nose, trying not to drip all over the place. As he started to walk between the two other men, he avoided holding either's eyes. He was humiliated and his heart was absolutely aching.

"No, no! Not you!" Harry struggled to loosen a hand to catch the blonde man as he went past. He clutched desperately at his shirt, looking genuinely scared. "Draco, stay, okay? Please... Just...go to the bathroom and clean up a bit. I'll set your nose in a few minutes."

The last thing Draco saw as he scurried off down the hallway the other way was the look of absolute disappointment Weasley wore. It stuck in his mind, making him feel guilty without even the smallest desire to. This was a strong friendship he had just parted down the middle. It wasn't even like he'd tried to. This man barging in on them was completely unexpected.

And now it all seemed to be ruined.

"Hermione already knows, Ron!"

Draco left the bathroom door partially cracked. As humiliated as he was, he was curious to hear the conversation. With the faucet barely running, he wet a washcloth and tried to mop up some of the blood. How was there so much of it…?

"She knows? You told her…and neither of you told me?!" The anger and betrayal was so strong in Weasley's voice that Draco thought he could actually feel it down here. "And why exactly was I not worthy enough to know that you had decided to ask Draco Fucking Malfoy out on a fucking date?!"

"You just punched my date in the face! Maybe that's why? I was going to tell you eventually…. I just wanted to wait because of your reaction. But now you know and…it's over with. You've had your freak out. But I think you need to leave now. Go process. I…. I'll see you tomorrow at training, alright?"

Weasley didn't give a response. He must have left, though, because the next thing Draco heard was the slam of the front door. Desperate to make it seem like he wasn't listening in, he reached over to push the bathroom door closed all the way. He turned the water on higher, plugging the drain and digging his hands in to bring water up to his face in order to scrub it off.

He was nearly clean, except for the still trickling blood flow, when the door opened again. Harry slipped inside, wearing the exact expression of someone who might have lost their best friend. That guilty pang crashed over Draco again. "Come here," the other man whispered. He set Teddy down upon the floor, ignoring his whines as he clung to his leg. "Does it hurt?" He pulled out his wand, pointing it at the blonde's nose and whispering a soft incantation.

Draco noticed the way his hand shook a little bit. His nose snapped into place and he winced slightly, but he was more focused on the torment in Harry's eyes. He sighed softly, pinching the bridge of his fixed nose. "I'm…. I'm sorry for that." He didn't specify exactly what he meant, but they both knew exactly what it was.

"It's…not your fault," Harry said softly. For a moment he just stared at Draco. Looked at his face and his quite sympathetic expression. Took him all in before chuckling mirthlessly and looking down again. "Ron is hot-tempered. He reacted much the same way after Ginny and I ended things. He'll come 'round. Hermione's great at talking him off the edge."

"Why are you so…ready to defend this?" Draco asked. He'd finally figured out what made him feel guilty about this situation. This was…one date after a bathroom hook-up. It wasn't exactly a relationship they'd worked very hard at. Yes, he was ready to invest himself into it, but this was Harry Potter. He was fairly sure he wouldn't ever be able to find better. He was ready to hold onto this until it was over. To savor it for as long as it might last.

The other man took his time in answering. He thought through his word choice, forming them with his lips in silence before actually saying anything. Draco knew he probably didn't have anything to worry about. This was the man that had just kicked his best friend out of his apartment after he'd hit his one-time rival. It wasn't like he was heartless. And he must somehow care for the young Malfoy's feelings.

"I know you're thinking of this as just…a date. Just one date. But I can't look at it that way. I feel like I know you too well for that. Like we're too similar…. Like…maybe we're past that. Like we could just skip past this stage of tip-toeing around one another. We should be able to jump right into it and say we're dating. That we're in it to work out. Right?" Harry took a step forward to close any distance left between them. Teddy was dragged along with his legs, but for the moment they paid him no attention. His hand came up to cup Draco's cheek in his palm. He caressed it gently and smiled faintly. "I defended you to Ron because I want this to be something more than a fling. So he's just going to have to get used to you being around. If you choose to stay around…."

Now was the time to make a choice. Draco had two options. He could stay here and finish out this date. He could stay the night and allow this man to show him how worthy he thought he was of love. And then he could try his hardest to keep this alive. For as long as he could stand it, he could force himself to make nice with the Weasley clan. It might not be so bad! It could even be a happy period in his life.

Or he could walk away and never look back.

"Look, you're a nice guy, Potter…."

Harry's face fell at the same time his hand did, making a harsh slapping sound as it hit the counter Draco was leaning against. "Don't…. Don't do this…," he whispered. "I know you must be scared. I'm scared, too! But we could make this work. Don't…don't back out on me without at least trying for a little bit!"

"You really think this could work?" Draco didn't sound hopeful. He knew he didn't deserve to have hope like that. In the last year he'd had a lot of time to reflect on his life. To see that he had been a right asshole. He knew that people hated him for many, many reasons. And, in the last year, he'd come to hate himself. No matter how many things he changed about his personality and the way he was, there was still so much wrong internally. Why should he force that on someone else? Why should he expect someone to care for him in such an intimate way that they wanted to know all of those flaws he had?

Especially Harry Potter.

"Of course…." Those green eyes were full of something passionate. The intensity of them made Draco slightly uncomfortable, almost as much as it thrilled him. "Now…unless you're going to keep foolishly protesting this, we should really go eat our pizza. We don't want it to get cold, right?"

Draco nodded, looking down at his water and blood-drenched shirt. He felt dirty again…. "Um…yeah, sure. Can I…. Can I have a new shirt first?" he asked meekly. Anticipating a yes, he began to undo the buttons of his dress shirt.

Until Draco was completely finished, Harry said not a word. He just gleefully watched the other man undress, his hand atop Teddy's head to keep him content. "You know…I don't think so," he choked out, not even bothering to hide the fact that he was staring at the now exposed, pale chest.

Blushing just slightly, Draco looked down at himself, too. He wasn't really built all that well. His muscles didn't even come close to Harry's in tone. But he wasn't small, either. He was in shape and quite good-looking. Except for the one flaw that marked his decent chest. Self-consciously, brought his hand up to cover the bubbled up areas of his skin. The scars were familiar to the touch. The shape and the way they felt were something he had obsessively memorized. They reminded him of what he was willing to lose. The life he was willing to throw away in a desperate attempt to feel important and wanted.

It was a reminder not to lose himself and who he was for other people.

"I…didn't know it left scars…."

There were four scars that spanned across Draco's pectorals. He ran the length of one of them absently, then along another when they crossed over one another. Vivid images of his near-death experience at this man's hands flashed in front of his eyes. He squeezed them shut in response, hissing in a sharp breath. Phantom pains slashed across his skin and his heart beat furiously within his chest. "Yes…," he said quietly, wishing those images would go away. Wishing he could forget what happened. "Yes it did."

"It was one of Snape's spells." Harry's voice sounded strange. It was obvious to tell that he deeply regretted what had happened. They both regretted a bit of the person they'd become that year at school. But it was the war. It was the hardship of the lives they had been forced into. "I hadn't known what it did…. You know? I'm really sorry…."

"Sectumsempra." Draco crossed his arms over his chest. A defense mechanism to shield himself from feeling hurt. It was in the past. It was okay…. "To wound for always." He raised a brow. "Sometimes learning Latin has its advantages…."

Harry chuckled softly and leaned in closer to the man. "Hermione said the same thing." He rested into the man, wrapping his arms around the unclothed back and holding him close. Trying to instill some semblance of comfort into him. Trying to show him that this was all in the past and they could put it behind them.

His heart feeling slightly less tight, Draco allowed himself a small laugh, too. He looked down towards Harry's legs as the toddler still clinging to him also gave an adorable giggle. He smiled at the child, earning one in return.

This was something Draco could live with. Comforting half-naked hugs, lighthearted joking, grinning children, pizza dinners, casual reminiscing…. He could stay. It was especially one night. He could just take it one day at a time. It there was day he decided he was tired of it, he could leave. He felt like he just might be able to work on deserving this. If Harry wanted him to stay…he could.

"Come on, let's eat," he whispered, pulling back from the hug. He gave the other man a very gentle kiss, never losing the upturn to his lips.

They could do this. Draco decided that they could be the happy family he never thought he would ever want. He would stick it out for the night. For the week. The month. A year? A lifetime? However long it took for him to think he didn't want this anymore. But from where he was standing, that didn't seem likely to happen any time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Been soooo busy lately! Sorry for the late update, but I did finally finish all that I had currently planned for this fic. I quite like the dynamic I've set up for it, though, so I think you can expect sequels in the future! Please enjoy the last installment and let me know what you thought! Thanks for taking the time to read my work.**

**A reviewer expressed confusion over Teddy's real name. I feel I isneed to defend this. His name _is_ Edward "Teddy" Remus Lupin. It was a fact revealed via Pottermore by JKR herself. I didn't change his name, I swear. Canon is very important to me.**

* * *

It had been nine months since Draco and Harry had shared their first date. Seven months since the most awkward Christmas either of them had ever experienced. Six since Draco had quit training as an Auror to pursue something he had a real passion for. Four since his apprenticeship began with an eccentric German Potions Master. Three since Draco had decided to take a leap of faith and move into Harry's apartment. And it was now exactly two days away from being Harry Potter's twentieth birthday.

And Draco was starting to wonder if he'd made a mistake.

Most days it was okay. They didn't fight a lot, generally. But then there were the days that they just couldn't seem to get along on anything. Like today.

Draco had been pulling some long days and nights at his apprenticeship. Harry's training was getting rather difficult. Both men were under tremendous amounts of stress. And, of course, that bled into their home life.

_Two minutes. Draco had been home for two whole minutes, and already he wanted to throttle Harry. His jaw clenched, he stared down into the sink. He let out a loud sigh, intending to draw attention._

_"What?"_

_Of course he wouldn't know what he'd done wrong. Or else he wouldn't have done it? Right?_

_"I appreciate that you were doing the dishes..." Turning around to face his boyfriend, Draco crossed his taut arms over his chest. "But...maybe you could havefinished them? Or drained the water? Or cleaned up the puddles on the counter? Or...at _least_ wrung out the sponge?!"_

_Harry paused in the middle of tying his shoe. He was bent over, his left foot propped up on a dining chair. From this position, Draco couldn't see his face, but he could guarantee he wore a tired look of perplexity. "I needed to get ready, Dray. I was coming back to it."_

_With a roll of his eyes, Draco stepped back from the sink. "Finish it, then." He knew he was baiting, but after such a long day... He just didn't care._

"_I…." Frowning, Harry looked up at the blonde man. He took in the annoyed posture and how his eyes squinted in a rather familiar manner. "I have to leave now…,"he finished cautiously. Like he would love to avoid a fight, but at this minute couldn't see how. It was inevitable, after all._

_Draco knew that was going to be his reply, but it didn't stop him from cringing. He looked back at the sink again, then gave a frustrated shrug. "So you weren't coming back to finish. Just say that, Harry! Merlin…." He turned back to the sink one last time, fishing the sponge out of the water and starting to finish the job with an obvious vengeance._

"_I don't have time for this, Draco. I'm sure Ron's already waiting for me downstairs." Harry's voice was softer. He knew he'd done something wrong and would later suffer for it. But right now, he had neither the patience nor the desire to deal with another Malfoy fit. "Thank you for taking over." He leaned in to give his literally stone-cold boyfriend a small kiss upon the cheek and received no reaction. "And for taking care of Teddy tonight…. He's playing in his room."_

_In the silence after his words, Harry backed up towards the entrance hall. When it became apparent that Draco had nothing to say in return, he left without another word. The front door snapping shut carried the emotional version of the pain presented when breaking a bone. He winced, staring down into the nearly-cold water as he mindlessly scrubbed a sippy cup._

_Was it too much to ask that Harry finished something rather than half-assed it as he usually did? Would it be too much to want things done before he went out to make things easier for Draco? Yes…he was probably eager to go out and celebrate his birthday with his best mate__s__ he rarely saw since they'd begun their relationship. But this wasn't just a one-time thing. He was always doing this – leaving Draco to clean up after him._

_"Oh, Dray?"_

_Despite himself, Draco perked up at the sound of Harry's voice in the hallway. He rather quickly dried his hands off and rushed to the entrance. "Yeah?" he asked softly, just barely smiling. Meeting those stunning green eyes and again falling in love with the man they belonged to for the millionth time._

_Harry smiled back, his head just barely stuck inside the door. And then he opened his mouth…. "Did you get my ciggies?"_

_Draco wasn't aware his heart could fall so fast into his stomach. He clutched at his chest for a moment, digging his nails into the skin under his thin, silk shirt. "Uh…yeah," he choked out. He dug into his pocket for the pack he'd picked up on his way home from Diagon Alley. For just those few seconds he had thought maybe Harry had come back to tell him he loved him. To get a proper kiss. To apologize again. Something romantic and selfless. Something that reminded him of why he'd chosen to date him in the first place. "Have fun. Don't get too __pissed__." His words could have been sweet, but the way he said then was filled with too much venom to even come close._

_Taking the pack, Harry nodded slowly. Again he wore that look of caution. At least he realized he was in trouble. "Thank you…," he whispered, and then he was gone._

"_Love you, too, you right blighter," Draco snapped after the door had closed again. He sighed heavily through his nose, returning to the kitchen and finishing the chore with a vengeance._

Now that he thought back on it, Draco realized he might have overreacted. He might have taken his need for a clean environment a little too far. But, honestly, after a rough day at work, the last thing he wanted to do was clean up after his boyfriend. The last thing he wanted was to feel like a nanny while the other man had the luxury of going out to drink.

Maybe he was a bit jealous. His jaw clenched at the thought, almost like a reflex. Malfoys should never have to be jealous about anything. They take what they want. They work to be satisfied in every aspect of their life – money, love, notoriety, assets. There was no reason he should even be considering jealous as an emotion he had within his capability.

But that didn't mean he could deny it….

He sank further into the familiar plush of his mattress. This bed was one of the few items of furniture he had wanted to come with when he'd moved in. It was the same frame he'd had back at home. The familiar, hand-carved woodwork reminded him of his past life. It was calming and comforting, especially right now when he was feeling utterly lonely. He reached out to trace a vine etched into the mahogany, his other hand coming up to massage his temple.

_"You will come to a point in your life that you will regret this decision, Draco."_ Lucius Malfoy had been very clear on his opinions when Draco had moved in with Harry. When everyone around them finally knew the nature of their relationship outside of work. He had taken his son aside just as the house elves finished packing up his belongings from his old apartment. His words hadn't been ice cold, but the whisper they were said in was enough to send shivers down his spine. _"It may not be early enough to do anything about it. It may not be any time soon enough to get out of this relationship you feel you need to be in. Most likely it will come after you've settled into this life. After you've given up everything else in your life just for this. Something will go wrong and you _will_ realize that this is not what you want. That this…is just some kind of passing fancy. And I fear for that day, Draco. Please don't invest your entire life in this man."_

At first Draco had laughed it off. He had walked away with an amused grin on his lips and even told Harry just what his father had said. It was a joke between them the first month he had lived here. Harry would look over at him after dinner, in the morning, during an after-sex glow and ask if he regretted it yet.

If Harry asked now, he just might say 'yes', instead of laughing it off as he used to.

But now... There was just so much eating at him. Jealousy, as horrible as that sounded, was probably one of the bigger factors. He envied his boyfriend's life. How he was always so sure of what he wanted and who he was. Of his endless support system. All of those people he had in his life that would drop everything to help him in any way.

How had he come out so lucky?

Harry had a family that wasn't even his that checked up on him regularly. He had friends that thought the absolute world of him. They were practically always together in Harry's free moments. And anyone surrounding him was happy to just take his godson for a day, if necessary.

It hardly seemed fair.

Draco had dinner one night a week in Wiltshire. And, most often, Harry wouldn't even accompany him. He didn't even have the full support of his own boyfriend. Did he not deserve that at least?

Before he could stop it, Draco felt a tear trickle down his cheek. He hissed in a breath, forcing himself to sit up as he shook his head back and forth quickly. He didn't want to cry tonight. For once, he wanted a night alone where he didn't fall asleep thinking about how unworthy he was. Unworthy of a good life, a functioning relationship, a happy family.

He'd truly thought when he'd started this relationship that he could be happy. They could be a real family, the two of them and Teddy. And it had been! They had all three worked so well together! Until he'd moved in. That must have been the breaking point.

It was what opened his eyes to all of the differences between them. How messy and careless Harry was with almost everything he did. The drastic difference in their diets. That the things they each valued most in life weren't even comparable.

Harry, though, was a busy man. He didn't really have the time between family, Auror training, social obligations, and raising Teddy to always pick up after himself. It wasn't like he even left messes... They were just small things like unfolded laundry, wet bathroom floors, and half-washed dishes. And, unfortunately, it was the small things that irked Draco.

Harry, also, had a more rounded diet that Draco. He ate vegetables, but he also balanced it out with a good helping of meats, dairies, and carbs. He was quite healthy. On the other hand, Draco ate mostly fruits and vegetables. It wasn't like he was a vegetarian, he just had a delicate stomach. Heavy foods didn't make him feel well. Because he was quite soft, apparently...

Most importantly, Harry's main focus in his life was his family. He valued Teddy's happiness and being there for his life above all. It was his first thought in nearly every conversation. He had a great heart with an amazing capacity for love. Draco hadn't been raised that way...

Overall, his boyfriend was a much better person than he was. And he was starting to realize that he personally was the reason this relationship might not be working out. His fear of not being good enough for this man that he was so invested in was slapping him in the face again. He was dragging this man down into a life he was eons above.

And it was absolutely crushing him. He couldn't even hope to halt the silent, soaked sobs that wracked his chest. Draco pressed his palms heavily to his heart, trying to slow the panicked beating so he could just get a breath in.

It was all too soon before he heard the front door open. He'd only been crying for a few minutes. It was hardly enough time to resolve his conflicted feelings. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing... He might not want to act rashly.

He might for sure regret that.

At least Harry was noisy as he came to their room. It gave Draco an approximate timeline for when he needed to be done. He sniffled, wiping his nose upon a blanket corner. Tomorrow he would wash it, but he could try and tolerate the dirty thought of it for tonight. He wiped his tears away, as well, then laid down fully under the covers. Making it seem like he was asleep the entire time. Like he hadn't been up this whole time thinking about this beautiful man.

As Harry bumped into the small table outside their bedroom door that held a Muggle telephone, address book, memo pads, pens and pencils, and whatnot, Draco was just settling into his slumber-like breathing. The door opened a moment later, then snapped shut quickly.

Draco's acting must have been believable, because not a word was said as Harry crossed the room. He snuck up on him like he actually was asleep, slipping into bed next to him. And then there was hot breath upon his neck. A sloppy kiss to his flesh. Suckling, biting, needy. The only response Draco could give back was another sniffle.

All contact halted. It had sounded too watery for him to be asleep. Harry leaned forward, trying to look at Draco's half-covered face. "Dray? Are you awake, Dray?" he asked, forgetting the need to whisper. The scent of beer was highly prevalent on his breath, even through their short distance apart. He was drunk, but it wasn't something Draco could bring himself to be upset about.

"Yes..."

"Are you crying?"

Stiffening, Draco forced himself to turn around. To look at his boyfriend. To judge his intoxication level and see if they could even hold a conversation. The alcohol-soaked eyes answered in the negative. "No," he easily lied, forcing a smile that would be just convincing enough.

"Brilliant!" Harry nearly shouted. Looking to the right towards the wall that separated them from Teddy, Draco threw his hand up over the man's mouth. The last thing he wanted was for the boy to wake up and see his godfather trashed. Harry pealed the hand away easily, though, a moment later and leaned in close again. "Because I'm horny..." He rutted against the bed as if to accentuate his need.

A need Draco didn't really have a desire to satisfy that night. Depression wasn't an efficient mood for such a thing. "Baby...," he whispered, reaching out to stroke his boyfriend's cheek gently. "How about I take care of that tomorrow...? I'm absolutely knackered tonight." _And you're quite drunk..._

For a moment, Harry pulled a face. He looked like he might throw a childish fit. It wouldn't be the first time he had acted like an adult-sized two-year-old when drinking. But he calmed down after a few seconds and relaxed into the bed. He snuggled close to Draco, enveloping him in the complete way only he could.

For now, he felt like he could try and forget his worries. He'd tried this in the beginning of it all and had been able to quell them for around nine months. Maybe he could keep this up for another few years. Maybe he didn't have to break their hearts just yet. Maybe they could just enjoy this for a little bit. Maybe he could wait until Harry finally came to his senses and realized he didn't need Draco….

"Next time I'll convince Ron you need to come with," Harry slurred softly, nuzzling his nose into Draco's neck. "Next time…."

The now-familiar scent of nicotine and inexpensive cologne filled Draco's nose as his breathing deepened. He fell asleep pretending there wasn't a care in the world. His eyes were still puffy and his nose was running a bit, but he paid them no mind. All that mattered was the man with his arms wrapped securely around him. Moments like these were why he tried to stay.

He didn't deserve this, but he wouldn't even take a moment of it for granted.

If he kept himself busy, Draco could distract himself from anything. From the second he woke in the morning and pulled himself from beside Harry's conked-out body, he decided he was going to go non-stop that day. It was a Sunday - a good day for errands. Though he would have rather been able to immerse himself in potion-making. That was a special kind of task that he could dedicate his entire mind to and just forget the world.

He started by dropping Teddy off at his playdate with a little girl from the daycare he occasionally attended. It had been conveniently scheduled, nicely enough, to allow him the time he needed by himself today. Next, he went to the gym for his morning cardio - a task that could relax the worst of knots from his shoulders.

Newly (nearly) stress-free, Draco headed over to Diagon Alley. They were running low on certain potions, Floo powder, and other non-essential essentials - all of which he picked up and checked off of his possibly too-organized list. Before leaving, he sent them all back to the apartment with a few owls so as to lighten the load he had to carry around the rest of his day out.

His last stop was the Muggle market. Here, he took as much time as he possibly could shopping around. He smelt every fruit and vegetable, finding the absolute best ones. He perused all of the aisles and stands, captivated by anything new. Grocery shopping was something he adored. All of the shopping when he was growing up was done by house elves. He didn't ever have the option to tag along like normal children. Now that he was older, he found it was quite fun to take everything in and find the best ingredients.

As he went, he decided that he would make a nice dinner tonight for Harry. A pre-birthday surprise. He wasn't particularly good at cooking, but he enjoyed it regardless. And he was fairly confident he could execute a simple wedge salad and club sandwich.

Loaded down with four bags of groceries, he walked back to get Teddy. He was a little early, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to at least check in. The boy eagerly came with, seeming to be tired of the girl that kept pulling his hair and pinching his face. He even offered to carry a bag. Grinning, Draco handed him the lighter bag that only contained the loaf of bread. "You be careful with that, okay? If you smush it, I'll make you eat the whole thing."

Teddy giggled back and nodded, carrying the bag like he was holding a baby. "Okay, Uncle Dray," he tittered and walked as fast as he could to keep up.

The walk home was pleasant. They chatted idly, bantering back and forth like a real father and son. Any passerby wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But Draco still didn't see this with his biased eyes. All he knew was how Harry with the boy. All he knew was that he wasn't anywhere like him. He didn't take into consideration that different didn't necessarily mean bad.

"Can I play?" Teddy asked as they entered the apartment, Draco kindly removing the ball cap they used to cover the ever-changing hair color when in public.

He ran his fingers through the boy's locks, smiling as they took on a happy golden color. "Sure. Why don't you wake your godfather first?" Nothing had changed from the clean state of the apartment, which meant Harry was most likely still sleeping.

Nodding eagerly, Teddy gingerly set down the bread and ran off towards their bedroom. Draco thought nothing of it. What could go wrong?

Until he heard the loud swear...

Dropping the cap carelessly to the floor along with his bags, Draco ran off in the direction of the yell. It took him a moment of standing in the doorway behind Teddy to understand what had happened. Harry was holding the covers of the bed up to his chest, eyes wide and breathing heavy. Their eyes met and the other man looked quite shaken.

"What happened?" Draco asked quietly, resting his hands on the boy's shoulders. He was shaking slightly...

Harry cleared his throat. He sat up and composed himself, an embarrassed blush marring his complexion. "Um... He was supposed to be at that playdate until this afternoon... I thought it was just you. Honest..."

It clicked. Harry was naked. He was fully clothed when Draco had left that morning. And he himself had promised the man a romantic romp today. "Shit..." Sighing, Draco got down on the boy's level and turned him so they were facing one another. So he could see straight into his confused, brown eyes. "Why don't you go play in your room, now? I think he's successfully awake..." Teddy nodded slowly, a bit unsure, but scampered off without a word.

"How much did he see?" Draco sighed, leaning against the doorway and rubbing at his temple.

Very slowly, Harry pulled the blankets away from his body. He truly wasn't wearing a thing. That might have been okay and innocent if his cock wasn't hard and throbbing between his legs. "I wanted to surprise you...," the man admitted sheepishly, his erection softening just slightly from embarrassment.

Draco wanted to be mad. He wanted to be disappointed in his boyfriend for possibly scarring a two-year-old. But something about his meek smile trumped all of that. Maybe it was bad faux-parenting, but he could worry on that later. He was feeling great today, his doubts from the night before successfully quelled for now. So all he could think to do was close the door behind him with a devilish grin.

Five minutes later, Harry was completely undone. His cock was now falling and Draco was lapping up every drop of his sticky seed with greedy eyes. "That's all you're getting for now," he whispered, massaging the man's creamy thighs.

"I can... I can live with that," Harry panted. He was resting back against the bed still, a dopey smile plastered onto his lips. Times like these, consisting of heated secret romps and satisfied grins, were why Draco stayed. They were something unique that he wasn't sure he could quite get with anyone else. This love and affection and normality he craved were all rooted in purely selfish intentions.

"I love you," Draco said with an almost sad smile and pulled himself up off of his knees at the foot of the bed. "Um... Why don't you take a shower, get dressed... Then check on Teddy? Make sure he's not scarred for life and all. I'll get lunch fixed."

He didn't even wait for an answer before bolting from the room. Those fears were returning – he was overthinking again. He was starting to remember his thought process from the night before. This wasn't a life for him. He shouldn't be allowed to play house. No one in their right mind would say he was fit in any way to be a child's guardian. He wasn't cut out to be a lifelong companion that dealt with silly, embarrassing mishaps. He just kept tricking himself into believing that he could have this life.

Biting his lip, Draco made his way back to the front door. The bags he'd dropped were still where they'd been before. He'd probably managed to bruise some of the fruits and vegetables. He found himself slightly angry at the situation, feeling as if he had wasted money. Not a shame he had grown up knowing, but one that had come to irk him since moving in with Harry.

Harry who abandoned leftovers until they were moldy. Harry who always made way too much food. Harry who often left food meant to be kept cold out on the counter. Harry who never quite ate all of his dinner and threw the rest away. Little things that added up.

As he bent down to scoop everything back into its respectful bags, Draco's eye caught his left forearm. He glimpsed the scar-like outline of the Dark Mark upon his skin, repulsed by the sight he hardly gazed upon. Another reminder of just how much he didn't fit in here.

Harry could try as much as he wanted to forget what Draco had been. He could completely ignore that he was sleeping with a Death Eater all he wanted. But that didn't change a thing. And if he knew exactly what types of things Draco had been doing over two years ago, he might not be so forgiving.

Shaking his head, he hauled the groceries into the kitchen. He was going to have to make sure he did something. Make an actual decision. Either get over his feeling of not being able to measure up, or actually take steps to leave. Neither of which he was feeling one hundred percent sold on...

Making a mental note to carve out time to make a firm decision, Draco set his mind to working on lunch. He put a pot of canned tomato soup on the stove, doctoring it up and adding a bit more flavor as it heated up. Once that was going, he turned to putting away the groceries. Harry came in as he was nearly done, digging through the potions cupboard and making a pot of coffee.

"Thanks for getting groceries," Harry whispered, wrapping his arms around Draco's waist from behind. He nuzzled into the man's neck, pushing aside his shoulder-length, platinum blonde hair. Pressing soft, loving kisses to the ghostly white flesh. "I really do appreciate it." He gave one last peck, then let him go and went to take the two potions he'd pulled out.

From the corner of his eye, Draco could identify what he was taking – a hangover tonic (which was a no-brainer after his behavior the night before) and a phial of red liquid that was usually used for curing internal bruising. This second one puzzled him a bit; there had been no mention of any injury sustained during training in the last few days. But he supposed he didn't have to be told everything….

"You're welcome," he said quietly. "How was your birthday drinking date?" He asked it with a coy smile to show he was joking, but was actually rather curious if the injury had been sustained then.

At just the mention, Harry seemed to close off. His shoulders just barely tensed, so little that if Draco hadn't been watching for it, he might not have seen it. "Uh…it went…fine…." He put an unnecessary amount of concentration into sugaring his coffee, gripping the canister harder than wise as it was made of glass.

Draco sighed, putting away the last box of cereal before crossing over to the man. His hand nestled over Harry's and he gently loosened the grip. "You can talk openly to me, you know. If something happened…. I'm here to listen."

"I know you are." Harry turned to face his boyfriend. His face wore a mask of indifference, but a trained eye could see between the cracks to his inner pain. "It's nothing, really. I just…." His sigh carried an incredible weight that clouded the air. "I made a stupid mention about you being mad at me last night after a few drinks. You know…with the dishes thing?" Draco frowned, not having realized that he talked about their personal life to his friends. Especially the ones who hated the former Slytherin. "I mean…Neville and George and Charlie were fine. Very helpful in making me realized I was an idiot. But Ron…."

As he looked his lover over, Draco noticed that Harry was hunching to his right side just slightly. He stepped closer, grazing his fingers ever-so-slightly over the piece of material covering the man's ribcage. This earned him a wince, confirming his worries. "Harry…," he breathed in sympathy. "Did he hit you? This is absolutely ridiculous…."

Harry shook his head slowly, like he didn't want to be pitied, and yet it felt right. "Ron wasn't in a good state," he said defensively. "He'd had quite a bit to drink. He was being a smart ass. I told him to shut up. He called me a queer and said you were making me disgustingly soft. I said I could still take him and then…he sucker punched me. He felt awful afterwards…. It's all fine now. Honest. And the potion should kick in any moment…." He carefully pushed the hand away, pretending like pain wasn't currently darkening his eyes.

"Next time I _am_ coming with," Draco hissed. His features shifted into a protective position, his arms crossing over his chest and his head tilting to the side. If Weasley were here…. A good number of curses he hadn't used since the war ran through his mind. He had no doubt he would use any one of them to defend the man he loved.

And he was pretty sure that wasn't a good thing….

"I'm perfectly fine, Draco…."

The way the other man's voice shook made Draco feel instant regret. He couldn't obviously see himself, but he would guess he looked quite dangerous right then. Like the Death Eater he'd chosen to be four years ago. Never mind he'd done it for all the wrong reasons – cowardice, desperation for safety, to appease his father – he had gone through with it for a reason. He'd had the overwhelming potential for it.

"I don't even _care_ if he's your best friend, Harry." Draco turned towards the stove to lower the heat on the soup so it didn't boil over. But he didn't lose his harsh tone. Not for a second did he drop the threatening cloud that hung around him. "He's a jerk. A _bully_. And if he ever touches you again…. I will kill him." It wasn't even an over-exaggeration….

"Noooo!"

Raising a brow, Draco turned back around. Teddy stood in the corner of the kitchen, his eyes as wide as saucers, clinging to a plastic dinosaur.

In that moment, Draco's decision was made. He knew what the right thing to do here was. His temper was proving to be uncontrollable. And he was causing his boyfriend to get hurt by his own friends. It wasn't fair to stay...

"Uncle Draco didn't mean it," Harry whispered to his godson, but it was obvious he didn't believe it. The look of disappointment behind those round-framed glasses that were so ugly but worked so well on him tore straight through Draco's heart. "He's just…having a bit of an overreaction." The man leaned down to pick the boy up, dragging the pad of his thumb over his little frown. "He just needs to…go lie down for a bit. Or get out and calm down on his own…."

That was probably the best option – getting out. Draco sighed, setting the spoon he was using to stir the soup on the rest. "Fine…," he whispered before turning on his heel and waking briskly from the kitchen. "I'll be back later!" he yelled from the entrance hall, then tore out the front door and told himself he couldn't look back.

Draco had nowhere to go. He contemplated for a moment trying to find Blaise. Trying to have for once a serious conversation with him. Pretending like they had the type of friendship where they could help one another through rough patches. Not the one where the other man bragged about his sexual exploits over lunch at a ridiculously expensive, and usually not that great, restaurant. But…he honestly had no idea where Blaise was now. They hadn't spoken in a while.

Astoria was his next choice, but she was more than unavailable lately. Shortly after he'd started dating Harry, she had moved to America to 'find herself'. In her last correspondence, she had mentioned that this apparently meant she was rather enjoying the new polyamorous relationship she had found herself in.

And that pretty much ended the list of people Draco actually still talked to. It was sad. A bit pathetic. And definitely quite lonely….

"Fucking hell," he whispered under his breath, walking down an unfamiliar stretch of road. He'd just started walking when he'd left the apartment and never stopped. And now he didn't recognize a single building he passed. He was lost...but he was kind of liking the feeling of it. He didn't really have to focus because he had absolutely no direction to focus on. Just his own thoughts and not a care for where he was going.

"Okay, so, I'm leaving." That had already been decided. Draco wasn't going to go back on his decision now. It had taken him this long, he wasn't going to reverse this thought. "I'm leaving...and it needs to happen soon... Like...tomorrow..."

Tomorrow was Harry's birthday. And the best gift he could honestly give him was to relieve him of this burden. It _had _to be tomorrow.

Which meant he needed to make the most of the time he had left tonight.

"I honestly wouldn't have minded Teddy being here with us tonight."

Draco looked over the table at his boyfriend, mid-way through a bite of salad. He'd made the special surprise dinner as planned, except he had made sure the man's godson was out of the apartment. As much as he would miss the child, he just needed it to be them tonight. He needed to be able to say and do anything he felt necessary.

He swallowed the need to tear up, telling himself to be brave. If he broke down, Harry would find out. And then he might lose his nerve.

"Is it wrong of me to want to spend your birthday dinner alone with you?" he asked after he'd swallowed, forcing his eyes to try and twinkle mischievously.

"My birthday is tomorrow, Dray," Harry joked back, sitting back in his chair and tucking his right foot under his left thigh. He looked positively adorable. And there was this little smudge of dressing in the corner of his mouth that Draco couldn't stop staring at.

Licking his lips, the blonde stood from his seat. He crossed over to the other side of the table, pushing it away and receiving a small complaint. "I know when your birthday is," he whispered, utilizing the new space provided to sit in his boyfriend's lap. He perched himself up on the man's legs, swinging his own over the arm rests with a devilish grin while his arms cinched around his neck.

Harry hissed at first, struggling with his limited mobility to untuck his leg from underneath him. "Then why are we doing all of this tonight?"

"Because," Draco whispered, leaning in to rather seductively lick the dressing from the corner of his boyfriend's lips. "Because I will probably have a bit of a late night tomorrow, being a Monday and all. Figured we should use the time we have." This time when he closed the distance between them, it was to give the man a kiss that could steal life. He put one hundred percent of his feelings and his anguish and everything he knew he had to do into it, killing off a little bit of himself in the process.

The groan he received in return was nothing short of carnal. Harry's arms wrapped desperately around his waist, all thoughts of dinner forgotten completely. "That…. That sounds like…a great…idea," the other man muttered through their contact. His hands slipped down greedily, tugging very plainly at the blonde's back pockets. Suddenly eager for their skin-to-skin contact. Remembering just how horny he had been last night and earlier today. Wanting his boyfriend – all of him – with everything he was at that moment.

And Draco was more than happy to oblige. He didn't care about the dinner. He could make sub-par food for anyone. He could sit across from any person in the world and share a dinner. But this – a desperate need to touch and be touched – was something that just couldn't be replicated. This was one of those things that he would miss about Harry. He would think for the rest of his life about what happened tonight after this moment.

How Harry carried him off to the bedroom like it was nothing. The way their lips never parted at least a small section of the other's skin. His heart pounding furiously from nerves and fear and desire and complete and total love. It wasn't long after he was thrown upon the bed that Draco was working their clothing off.

"Get on your knees, Dray. I'll...I'll get the lube..."

Draco didn't want to be on his knees. He wanted tonight to see his boyfriend. Wanted to catalogue and remember ever single expression he made. This was something he needed to be able to recall vividly for the rest of his life.

Begrudgingly, he settled on his hands and knees, facing the headboard with his ass perked up in the air. "I want to see you, Harry," he whispered, resting his forehead down upon the mattress and sinking his forearms down to replace his hands.

"Let's just start this way," Harry said gently followed by the sound of him warming lubricant up between his hands. "It's easier to prep you at this angle."

Sighing, Draco nodded but gave no other reply. When the other man began to stretch him out, he made the appropriate noises and gave small directions for more or less. But, overall, he tuned out for that part. He ran through his plans again in his head, making sure he knew the schedule and what he had to do. The curse he had to put Harry under so he could move his things out undetected.

"Dray, baby? Did you fall asleep on me?"

Startled, Draco looked back at his boyfriend. He hadn't even noticed the absence of pressure inside of him. Blushing, he gave a terse smile. "Sorry, I just didn't hear you. What did you say?"

Nodding down to his position near the blonde's entrance, Harry asked with only a small amount of patience lost, "I just asked if you were ready..."

"Oh, yeah, just...hold on." He flipped over onto his back, scootching up to a sitting position and leaning forward. "I want to see you." He grasped the other man by the backs of his knees, pulling him forward before pushing him down on his back. "I _need_ to be able to see you...," he added softly, almost to himself as he propped Harry's feet up, heels flat against the bed.

"Fine, fine, fine," Harry said with an intrigued grin. "You're so clingy."

"Yeah..." Draco suppressed a wince, leaning down and pulling the man's length into his mouth. He gave one good suck, adding moisture to the already slicked, strawberry flavored rubber.

They both knew he was anything but clingy. But for tonight Harry could believe what he wanted. They could pretend that was why he needed to be close and wanted to be able to stare at his boyfriend. It wouldn't matter either way in the morning, anyway.

In the end, it wasn't the best sex they'd ever had. But Draco knew he wasn't likely to forget a single detail for the rest of his life. It was like a scene of a film that he would replay over and over again in his mind.

After he'd mounted Harry, their ruts and grinds were completely out of sync. Draco kept trying to go slow and steady and savor the moment, but he'd starved his boyfriend the night before so the other had gone quite fast and rough. But he wasn't complaining. The difference made it feel animalistic and needy and brought in a delicious kind of friction. One that brought them both to the brink a little faster than anticipated.

And then...it was over...

Draco panted heavily with a mixture of sweat and silent tears drenching his face. He sat there, staring down at his seed upon the other's chest. His luminescent blonde hair curtained his face, hanging a little over Harry's collarbones. He rocked weakly into the man, coming to rest his forehead upon his right shoulder. "We can go again..."

Oh how he wanted to go again. And again and again and again until he died from exhaustion.

"I'm good. Really. That was good..." Harry sighed happily, looking absolutely blissed out of his mind. "A great birthday present, really. You should ride more often."

Feeling a stitch in his heart, Draco slowly removed himself from the other man. He felt so empty, a type of emptiness he knew he could never fill again. "I'll think about it," he whispered, snuggling up next to Harry's side. Desperately clinging to him because he knew this was the last time he'd get a chance.

"I love you, Draco. You do know that, right?" Harry looked down at the blonde man, running his fingers through the small snarls of his hair. Pushing it out of his face so he could see those beautiful silver eyes. "Just because we fought earlier…and yesterday... It doesn't change a thing. No matter what we fight about, we can always pull out of it." He pressed a gentle kiss to Draco's forehead, then sighed in absolute content. "I'd like to think we're strong enough."

Obviously, Draco wasn't so sure. He worried at his bottom lip a moment, taking in the man's scent for the last time. Nicotine, cheap cologne, and his natural musk. "Don't you ever feel like...we're just too different?" he asked, his voice quiet to mask the shake.

There was no hesitation to the shake of Harry's head. He grinned down at his boyfriend with one hundred percent surety, something working behind his vivid green eyes. "I think our differences are what make us work. You help fill in those things that I'm missing. Like getting me to clean more or eat healthier. And you're wonderful with Teddy. Like...you balance out that part of me that just wants to be soft on him all the time. I think we work together better than we ever thought we could.

"And I think you should make this the best birthday I've ever had and...say you'll marry me."

Draco could literally hear the sound of destruction in his mind. The shattering of his will and Harry's confident canon ball that had crashed into it. His eyes flew open wide and he sat up, absolutely speechless as he just stared at the man. Harry was so pleased with himself, running his fingers through his eternally-mussed hair with that stunning smile.

"Why do you have to do this to me?" was all Draco could get out in his shocked state. His heart felt like it was going to pound straight out of his chest. He felt a confliction so harsh he thought it would kill him. To try and escape the smothered feeling surrounding him, he climbed backwards out of the bed and ended up falling on the floor. He backed into the corner where the side table met the wall, curling up into himself in desperation. "Why...?"

The tears were real and messy this time. They flowed down his face relentlessly, soaking his hands and leaking onto his chest. He was losing his resolve and that's what hurt worse than anything. He had been _set_ on this. Why was Harry ruining it...?

"Y-you... You don't want to...to marry me?" Harry questioned softly, sitting up and looking over the side of the bed. Taking in his boyfriend's distraught figure. He wore a look that said for the life of him he couldn't understand what he'd done. "It's fine if you don't. I mean, it's not fine. But we can work with that. It can _be_ fine..." Cautiously, he slipped down onto the floor beside the other man. "We can do whatever you're comfortable with."

"I want to marry you, Harry! I just... I can't!" Draco sobbed, unable to even look at the man. If he even glanced at him once and saw that beautiful face of his, he'd lose it. Everything he'd decided on up until now would be completely for naught.

"Why?! I know you love me. I don't have a single doubt about that! Is it...is it your father? Are you worried about what he thinks? Because I can work around that. Hell, I'll ask him for your hand, if that's what needs to be done. Whatever it is that you think is stopping you...we can work through it. I just need you to take to me. Don't shut me out. Give me a reason. _Talk to me, Draco_."

Harry was shaking him now. His hands were gripping Draco's surprisingly strong forearms, trying everything possible to remove them from covering his face. "It's not him! He...he has nothing to do with it!" _Or does he? Is my father the reason I'm doubting this? Or is it what I truly believe? Do I really think Harry will be better without me?_

Evrything was muddled now. Draco wasn't even certain what he was thinking anymore.

"Just talk to me, Dray. Just...just _talk_ to me. You've been distant lately - don't think I haven't noticed. Does that have something to do with this? Is there... Is there someone else...?"

For a moment, just a moment, Draco entertained that idea. Telling Harry there was someone else. Someone he loved. Giving a reason better than what he currently had to run off. But be just couldn't sell that. "You and I both know there could never be anyone else...," he said, his voice watery and defeated.

"Then what is it?!"

Harry's patience was waning. He didn't yell often, so this was a definite sign. Draco needed to be out with it. He needed to just _tell him_. His heart was pounding, though, and it felt like it was restricting his throat. It almost seemed like he couldn't even breathe. Or was that just a made up distraction so he could stall a little longer?

"I'm wrong for you...," Draco choked out, the sound muffled by hands and his tears, but still just barely audible. "I bring absolutely nothing to this relationship. I'm bringing you down. Your best mate hates you for being with me. I'm causing you to get hurt! I'm not... I'm not the one you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life. I know it."

"Hey!" Harry roughly pulled at the blonde's hands, removing them from his face. Looking him straight in the eye. "Isn't that for me to decide? I wouldn't ask you to marry me if I wasn't certain!"

"_I'm _not certain!" Draco shouted, pushing his boyfriend away violently. "I'm dragging you down and it's not fair to you! I can't in good sense do that anymore. So...I need...to leave..."

It was the first time he had admitted this to anyone. Saying it out loud to Harry just felt wrong... A shiver ran through his entire body and suddenly all of this felt wrong. The selfish part of him began to dominate as it always did and he found he wanted to listen to it. As much as he knew it was bad to...

"You're going to leave me..." Harry used the present-tense form, crashing the reality upon them that this was a solid plan. It was going to happen and there may not be anything to stop it. "That's your plan tonight? Why you've been so...affectionate? And plain weird?"

Tensing up, Draco let loose a small nod. He didn't have anything else to say. It was true. He was going to leave...and his defense for it wasn't going to make a lick of sense to the other man. He wouldn't be able to see past his emotions to understand the problems.

"Stay here. Don't you dare leave yet. Just stay. _Here_."

Sighing through his nose, Draco watched Harry scurry out of the room. A faint smile crossed his lips at the sight of that cute, little ass running off, but it disappeared due to the situation. He allowed his head to fall heavily into his hands, staring down at the floor. His hair fell again into his face and he considered in that moment getting it cut. The Draco Malfoy who let his hair hang haphazardly at his shoulders would cease to exist soon. It wouldn't feel right anymore to be that careless and carefree of a person. That was who he was with Harry.

And from now on, he wouldn't be that person anymore. He'd have to return to being the Draco Malfoy who was destined to carry on the bloodline. The one that did as he was told and married the proper woman as was expected of them both. Regardless of his preferences or desires. If he turned his back now on a life he didn't deserve, that was all he had left to turn to. And he supposed he could find some way to live with that. Perhaps Astoria could, too...

Not but three minutes had passed before Harry was rushing back in the room. He looked elated to see that the other man was still huddled in the corner of the floor and took no measures to hide it. "Here," he said softly, pulling a quilt off the foot of the bed and draping it over Draco's pale shoulders. It covered the nakedness of his front half, as well as brought a small ounce of comfort. "Hear me out, okay? Just promise you'll at least listen."

Draco gave a small nod of ascension, figuring it was the least he could do. It wasn't like anything the man said could change his decision. Not even if he wanted it to.

Which he still wasn't sure if he did or not, yet...

"Look at me, Dray," Harry said very gently. He even did the cliche thing of tipping Draco's chin up by the tips of his fingers. Their eyes met, causing the blonde man to immediately blush from the weight of the earnest gaze. His goodness practically radiated off of him. "If you honestly think I would be better off without you, Draco Malfoy, you need to think again. Yeah, Ron's being a git, but that's not your weight to carry. It's his, and one day he'll wake up and realize that. And if it's not that..."

Looking near to breaking down, Harry sighed and shrugged. He just stared at Draco for a long time, trying to get inside his impenetrable head. "If it's not that...I need you to remember something. And let it truly stick with you - The decisions we were forced to make as children were ones no child should ever have to try and understand. I don't blame you for anything back then. Just as I don't blame myself for any mistakes I may have made.

"I think I know you well enough by now to know that you're not really a violent Death Eater looking for Muggle blood. Just like you should know that I am incredibly flawed and far from being the perfect 'Chosen One'. We're not who we were made out to be as kids. So...it wouldn't be fair of you to keep thinking like that.

"You're the best thing that has _ever _happened to me. You've taken me as the person I am, not the person the world made me out to be. And I, you. _That _is what is important. And - to me, at least - that doesn't make either of us the better person. We're equals. We have differences, yes, but that doesn't make either of us the bad person."

Draco sat there, dumbstruck, while the other man reached for his hand. This was another example of why Harry was better than him. He could see past so many things that clouded his own mind. He was too good for him, no matter what he said. It was a blinding fact.

"After the war was over... After all of the trials and just after we started pur Auror training, I took some time to myself. I needed to figure out who I was away from pressuring eyes. I researched deep into my family, trying to find everything I could about them. My mother had several diaries hidden among some stored possessions that I absolutely devoured. Partly because I don't have memories of them so it was nice to have _something_. But also because of how she talked about my father in the beginning. She complained so often about him. Like she was obsessed, and yet hated everything about him.

"It reminded me a lot of my feelings towards you." Harry quirked a smile, caressing the back of Draco's hand with a fond glint in his eye. "Which meant that I couldn't take my eyes off of you in training, of course. Incidentally, that transformation brought about the kiss with Charlie. And I realized after that what kind of power you had over me. Unfortunately, it took me forever to act upon it, but it was a particular entry in one of my mother's later diaries that really gave me the courage. I have it memorized.

"'_Tonight Potter was different. He wasn't arrogant, per usual. I gave him a chance on a date because I was honestly tired of him asking. I wasn't expecting to find any enjoyment in it. But it actually was quite enjoyable. Apparently, this goes to show that people aren't always what they seem. Sometimes they need a second chance to really shine. Sometimes we can be so blind to what's right in front of us. And sometimes that person you think you hate most of all can turn out to be the most refreshing change of all. I think I might give him another chance. James Potter might just turn out to be a boy I could love. Who knew?_'

"You see, my mother hated my father. I'm not going to go into detail, but I've seen memorial proof of that. But something in her gave him an unbiased chance and he turned out to be the love of her life. So I figured I should do the same."

A circle of cold metal slipped around Draco's left ring finger before he even really knew what was happening. He stared down at it in horror, feeling the weight of it sink into his entire being. The small band of gold scared him with how much he seemed to like it and therefore tried his hardest to get the will to take it off. "That's touching and all, Harry, but..." His words died off in a sigh and he held the hand back out to the man. "But I..." Where were his excuses when he needed them?!

Harry jumped on his chance without hesitation. He laughed happily, sensing a win. "That was my father's wedding ring. Their rings were one of the few things saved in my vault for me. I don't really know how you feel about wearing an engagement ring...but it would mean quite a lot to me of you would. If you accept, that is..."

Silence followed. A deafening, crushing silence that made Draco feel like he was choking. He wished Harry would talk some more. He so desperately wanted something to tune out to. This was too much. The pressure and the indecision and the panic.

Now was the moment. Either Draco stood up and walked away for forever. Or he stayed. He had to choose between his rightful place in this world or something that could truly make him happy.

His heart heavy and absolutely uncertain of what he was going to say, Draco sat up straight and opened his mouth. He looked so sure of himself, but inside he was shaking like a leaf. He was never nearly as cool as he seemed. "I want to accept, Harry. I really do... And I'm very tempted to. You've been great to me. I just... I can't stop thinking of what my father said."

"You regret-"

Shaking his head slowly, Draco reached up to cover his boyfriend's mouth. "Shh, I'm not done." He smiled, a little strained, and waited for Harry to show he understood before letting go again. Before continuing, he looked again at the ring. It really was a sweet gesture... "I was thinking about it because I think I know what he meant. He wasn't saying I was going to get tired of you, Harry! Father was warning me of the fact that you're a million times better than I deserve. That I would soon feel overshadowed by you. That I...would see that I'm not good enough for you. I'm weighing you down, Harry. You deserve to have a happy and enriching life with people that match your caliber. Like those damned Weasleys of yours!" Despite himself, a laugh burbled past Draco's lips and he gave a hapless shrug. "I love you too much to cause you any suffering."

"You leaving me would be the harshest suffering I will ever have endured. I promise you."

There was something final and resolving about that blunt statement. It hit Draco like a ton of bricks, knocking all other reasonings out of him. Harry wanted him bad enough to feel like he would practically die without him. Or that was his interpretation... And that made him feel like the most special man in the world right now. Despite deserving it or not. "Leaving you would kill me, too," he whispered, his voice harsh with the truth. "I just want you to be happy."

"Then marry me."

Draco didn't even have to say 'yes'. Something in his eyes did it for him. He broke, those silver pools melting into vulnerability. In a way he could only do with this man, the blonde let down his guard and fell forward into him. Strong arms circled around him, the blanket falling so they were skin-to-skin - fully bare and exposed to one another.

"Thank you," Harry whispered into the wisps of blonde hair. Like it was a privilege that Draco had even considered marrying him. "Thank you... You make me very happy, Draco Malfoy. I love you with all that I have."

Content for the moment and actually feeling quite elated deep down, Draco snuggled further into his boyfriend's arms. He didn't even make a move to get up off the floor. Honestly, he fell asleep right there without a care for the world. It didn't matter if it was comfy or natural. All that mattered was this man right here. The only man in the world who could talk him down off of his hysterical ledge.

This man that he would love until the day be died. He was going to be selfish and uncaring for anyone else's feelings. The universe didn't want him to have this, but he just couldn't care less anymore. This love was his downfall.


End file.
